Your relationship blind spot. Develop awareness

Once a child recognises that when they put their hand in the fire, they get hurt, they stop. Adults can have a tendency to repeat what is not working or helping them. We keep doing the same thing and getting the same results, then wonder what is wrong in our lives. If you want your relationships to improve, here is a suggestion. I invite you to stop doing the thing you do that does not work in your relationships. To avoid making excuses to keep subconsciously and defensively creating your unhappiness, by destroying the very thing you want so much. Many of us know our self-protective behaviours and patterns. Or we know that when we take certain actions, things fall apart in the relationship. The only thing is that we have become comfortable in those patterns that we no longer notice how unhelpful they are. Besides, we have a tendency of getting stuck on a behaviour that we do not recognise it for what it is. We become defensive about it, and it becomes a blind spot. You might notice that thing you are doing in your relationship that is causing problems. You might garner support from friends to blame a partner, or seek support to validate your experience and behaviour, when you have developmental issues to address. Perhaps you are trying too hard and ending up in fixing mode. In which case, this is putting your partner out of business. Or it is that you are trying to fix broken glass. It ends in cuts and tears. Recognise what you are doing, that is not in your best interest and that pushes your partner away. Or makes them upset repeatedly. Recognise what happens before a partner acts up in one way or the other. This is your area of focus. What might prevent reflection is fear of being flawed. Many of us have a fear of being viewed as having done something wrong, which is prevents growth. To be human is to be flawed. If you keep putting hands in fire, you get burned , so you do not. Same applies to relationships and life in general If you recognise that a pattern is not helping or is causing unhappiness, then it helps to stop it. Avoid doing whatever it is that is causing problems in your relationships, then observe what happens. If you are the only one initiating contact, sending long text messages, calling many times before they respond, then detach and focus on yourself. Do less of that. If you are begging them to stay when they want to leave, doing a lot for a partner to stay, then stop doing that and give a partner the opportunity to choose. If you are telling a partner what to do and it is obviously causing problems, then that is the behaviour you need to stop. Part of growing involves allowing others in a relationship to show up in their roles and for the relationship. Most of these behaviours can interfere with another person's role. Additionally, you might also have some unhealthy patterns or develop addictions which interfere with your relationship. It is helpful to recognise that if you do have any behaviour or pattern that is not in your best interest, a healthy partner might leave. Additionally, even some unhealthy people have their limits of what kind of unhealthy to play with. As you heal,get to know yourself on a deeper level. Understand your emotional currents and how you regulate yourself , how you communicate and your needs and how you work in a team. If you are struggling with emotional intelligence and self-knowing, you can end up destroying your relationships unintentionally due to your blind spots. Introduce SIFTSEM Journal to manage any situation in your relationships, and recognise where you might need to change things or improve.