Reciprocation

We are always in relationship with someone or something. If we are not with others, we are in concert with ourselves. Some people might not even agree with themselves many times, but that is a topic for another day.

Disagreements are also common in our relationships, but still they do not have to affect reciprocation.

In order to create harmony in our relationships, there is need for reciprocation.

We give the body as we take from it.

In order for our body to look after us, we need to look after it.

If our mind has to serve us without betraying us, we need to look after it.

If our friendships and relationships have to thrive , we have to look after them. Like a gardener tends to his garden.

We give and receive love from our friends family and lovers with five love languages and five senses.

We give love to our children with five love languages and therefore teach them how to reciprocate as they grow up and give us that love back as well as they can. The difference is , we do not rely on their love, but it matters to us that, in showing us love, they become loving beings. That is if we are in a healthy parenting situation.

If we are not loving parents, and we do not love with five love languages, we might occasionally love bomb our children. We might then punish them when whey misbehave in order for them to feel helpless. This way we feel in control when they try their best to please us.

In this dynamic, our children do not learn reciprocation. They internalise our demands, our control, our impositions. They learn that in order to get what they want, the other person needs to feel helpless and then over-function.

As adults, we are these children who might not know that a relationship thrives on reciprocation. In toxic relationships, friendships or work dynamics, we continue the same exchange that we had in a home with unloving parents. We have no idea of what healthy reciprocation looks like, so we continue to practice learned helplessness and people pleasing and overfunctioning.

A healthy relationship is based on consistent reciprocation. The same effort you give is what you get back in reciprocal situations.

Our friendships thrive on healthy reciprocation. I went to visit a friend the other day, and she asked if we could meet halfway.

In our families we must also give and receive balanced love, respecting one another with compassion for each other.

It is therefore important to learn that one of the key elements in your relationship is to learn healthy reciprocation. Healthy reciprocation is not entitlement. You do not need to teach a partner how to love you. You only need to go all the way, and then observe if your partner is doing the same.

Sometimes, people walk with you for a while. Then might get tired and therefore need to rest. Sometimes they only need space and understanding. Other times they need you to continue on your way without them. You notice this by the way they reciprocate. If there is lack of consistency, and you feel as if you are the only one giving, then that is information you need to know where you are in the relationship.

When you feel exhausted and resentful, or bitter and upset because there is no reciprocation, that might be the time for you to, "go your way, and I go my way."

Feed your relationships as they feed you back. This way, you will feel content and thrive in your circles and romance. If not, it is ok too. That is just information to understand that the loan date might be up. People are on loan. End of reciprocation signals the impermanence of things. Let go.