When a partner breaks promises to commit

When a man breaks his promise to commit

In such a situation, the question does not rest with the man. It rests with the woman.

The question might need to be asked to the woman. "Is this the relationship you are looking for?"

In other words, "Is the man doing what he promised?"

Does his actions match a committed relationship?

How does she feel in the relationship?

If she is able to answer that she feels confused, uncertain, unsure, then she might need to take the appropriate action to honour herself.

Have you explored communication to find out where you stand? Only once. From a place of curiosity?

Many times people genuinely want a committed relationship , and with that person. However, behaviours can interfere with the relationship. So, if the man has his unresolved traumas, he continues to take what he can get. Without communicating change of course. That might be a sign of poor conflict resolution on his part. Yet, when you are at the receiving end of this, see this for the red flag it is.

The onus is then on the woman to refuse to continue to supply him with what he wants, which is not aligned with what she desires.

Words need to match action. That includes both the woman to honour herself and man with promises. If you are at the receiving end of incongruence, then you can decide to take action from how the situation makes you feel.

If you are not getting what you want, it might be best to create boundaries, detach, focus on yourself, not give him relationship benefits, set a timeline and if nothing changes, leave.

If you are at the other end of this situation, having made promises, but noticing something that puts you off, read on.

You might have an intention to be in a committed relationship with one person. Perhaps you meet someone and you agree to get into a committed relationship, then somewhere along the line you change your mind.

It is perfectly normal and healthy to detach from a situation where you notice unhealthy behaviours, or you are turned off. However, it is even more important to communicate your change of mind. What is essential before communicating, is to articulate your situation and rationale for change of plans. This comes from sitting with your emotions and acknowledging your feelings and making conscious decisions. Let the other person know why you do not wish to proceed. Then hold on to your boundaries. It is also helpful to stop the relationship if your goals have changed. It might feel hurtful to the other person initially. However, they will appreciate your honesty, rather than stringing them along. That is virtue. In cases where you might also feel that you are at the receiving end of this behaviour, it is helpful to communicate how you feel. Give yourself a timelime to evaluate changes if promised, then detach if nothing changes. It is important to act in your best interest, than stay where you have awareness that you are not on the same page.

It is also helpful to stop the relationship if your goals have changed. It might feel hurtful to the other person initially. However, they will appreciate your honesty, rather than stringing them along. That is virtue.