Your feelings are temporary, but they leave a mark

Your inner peacefulness is pivotal for healthy outcomes of your relationships too.

A state of unconditional peacefulness does not mean that there are no problems in your life. It does not mean that you do not encounter rejection or challenges. Your peacefulness, leading to a quality life is based on a regulated nervous system that does not jump into action each time your mind triggers a story when you feel or notice something unwanted.

If you have unhealed trauma, you benefit from learning to regulate your nervous system by practicing daily. Whether you are triggered or not, you can still practice grounding techniques or exercises to get into your body.

For SIFTSEM beginners, I encourage you to reflect on something that remains unresolved if you have no trigger. It also helps to practice without a trigger, and lean into some positive or non-overwhelming sensations.

Steps

Your mind thinks your feelings. This story leads you to launch into action that allows the story to unravel.

Rather than allow your mind to allow this story to unfold, pause and get in your body and feel your feelings.

Score yourself from 0 (calm) to 10 (very distressed).

Do not be scared. Emotions are temporary. They will pass.

Breath deeply and bring awareness to your body. Soothe yourself with soft words and hugs so that you continue to feel supported. In this moment, it is also a good idea to focus on what you have.

Shake and tremble to allow yourself more grounding. This way, you release the endorphins.

When you are grounded, ask your mind why it thinks what it thinks, or ask yourself why you are feeling this way.

Cognitive reappraisal

Consider different perspective. What other perspective is out there? What might the person you have conflict with be thinking about this situation? What would a loving friend say to you?

Consider the issue leading to the feeling.

Explore solutions to the issue. Feelings do not just come without a switch that has been flicked somewhere, by someone or something in the present moment. It is therefore not practical to imagine that you can let the feelings go without solutions to the issue.

What led to this situation and is there something in your control that you can do? Maybe introduce boundaries for you to act with unconditional positive self-regard. Acceptance and letting go of attachment to outcomes. Keep breathing deeply, and you will gradually notice yourself shifting.

Scoring yourself post exercise helps you determine how effective it has been.

When you keep practising this exercise, you will notice that you might initially begin to pause and not launch into action first.

Next you will begin small steps towards detachment.

You might not be affected by certain situations so much.

Even when affected, it is easy for you to focus on regulating your nervous system.

The more you regulate yourself when triggered, the less reactive you become, and the more self-connected you will be.

This is how you can achieve unconditional peacefulness. Your nervous system needs training your emotional safety. Heal for yourself.