Your compassion needs to include you

When we are still on the journey of healing our major traumas, we might have this belief that we are loving others by allowing them to either bleed on us or get away with behaviours that challenge our values.

We accommodate people's demands.

We let people act entitled around us.

We accept blame for actions that have not been performed by us.

We let people get away with speaking to us with disrespect.

We agree with what we deep down do not believe to be helpful for us.

We allow people to look down on us or devalue our contribution.

We let people get away with wasting our time.

We do all this to look like good people. Yet, a few steps uphill we feel resentful.

We feel exhausted.

We feel taken for granted.

We feel violated.

We feel disrespected.

We feel disappointed, sad, shaken and then point fingers, " After all I have done for him, how dare he?

Yet, the answer lies in a self-knowing.

An understanding of self-boundaries.

A belief in the self.

An understand of worthiness.

That we do not need to be special to matter.

That only we can respect ourselves first if others are to follow that example.

That we see in others the same things we are doing to ourselves privately, publicly or in subtle ways.

So, when you notice that you are in a relationship where you are not being valued, identify areas in your life where you are not valuing yourself.

When you feel as if people are taking you for granted, look into areas in your life where you might be selling yourself short.

When you notice people acting entitled around you, explore where you have a pursue that has no strings.

Recognise that whatever you want to see in others, starts in you.

Start to value and respect yourself, your contribution, and your body.

Act with dignity and with congruence.

Recognise the behaviours of others towards you as feedback.

Rather than blame, take responsibility for your life and make changes.

Adjust your giving , so that you do not feel depleted.

Start with self-care, and self-giving, and you do not have to give from an empty cup.

Create Self-boundaries and adhere to them.

Only you can give yourself what you need before you ask of it from another.