You ex down did not downgrade

In moments of bitterness, we might pay attention to who our ex is in a relationship with. We then measure this person with our personal ruler.

We might believe that our ex downgraded because ; We look a certain way and the new person our ex is with does not look anything like that. We might deem their new catch as not pretty, slim, or curvy as he or she liked them, handsome or tall enough.

We have a certain something, and our ex's person does not have it. We view ourselves as rich, educated or great job enough.

We are good at something, and our ex's person might not be good at it. We are good cooks, peform outstandingly in the bedroom or exercise to their liking.

Perhaps our ex used to talk about their type and that type looked like us. Yet, now they are with a person seemingly outside that criteria the ex swore was their only type.

It is worth exploring this;

What is upgrading and downgrading?

Does it mean the same as it means for phone companies?

Whose standard are we using to assess what a downgrade and upgrade looks like?

Because when people leave one situation, they upgrade to the next situation. If someone no longer wants to be with us, they choose who they want to be with. While it hurts, we do the same. At a buffet, we choose what to eat.

If someone is with a partner after leaving one, they have upgraded. That is the person who matches where they are with life. They have moved to the level they are feeling. We are no longer on that level.

Even if they were rich and are now underprivileged, they have gone with someone who accepts and matches where they are.

Even if it is a trauma bond, that is the best match they have for where they are.

Whatever they see in the next person depends on what or how they feel. We can not tell how people feel on a deeper level and in each moment. That is a subjective matter. We can not prove our worth while degrading others. That is insecurity.

What we might need to explore is that it is up to them who they choose. No human being is a downgrade. However, there is a state of upgrading that is taking place in each moment we live.

It might give us some superficial relief to judge someone we view as a competition, but that just is a reflection of our character not theirs.

Ryan Holiday said, "Those who have subdued their ego understand that it doesn't degrade you when others treat you poorly; it degrades them.”

Equally, if we have been rejected or someone has broken up with us, we have not been downgraded. We have been elevated, given an opportunity and exposed to our next level.

Worthiness does not ride on being with someone. Being rejected does not mean you have lost. Each moment is an answer to our asking.

When it comes to exs, what helps is to practice the dichotomy of control. We can take responsibility for our wellbeing, grieve losses, wish the ex well and heal. Trust that others know what is best for them, and not criticise their choices because they did not choose us.

When we can bless others on their departure during endings , we can also be blessed during our new beginnings. We get back what we give out, all the time.