You are the parent , you are the child

To learn to resolve conflict with others, learn to resolve conflict within yourself first. Conflict with others is simply due to inner conflict. To calm the storm within you, give yourself the parent you need, to ground and soothe yourself.

The basis of your conflict resolution skills, and acceptance of the unpredictability of life, lies in your emotional regulation ability. Your emotional regulation is based on your emotional baseline, as well as the availability of tools you can discharge when you face anything unwanted. Or when you feel threatened. The ability to self-regulate comes from your childhood attachment relationship as well as your resilience.

When you get up in the morning, as a parent you rush to your children's beds thankful they are with you.

You hug them good morning and say some lovely words. You might have a little chat and a laugh.

You wash, dress, feed, toilet your children.

You get them ready for school. Wish them a lovely day and then look forward to seeing them again later.

The routine continues as you pay attention to their needs after school. You might sit and support them with their homework, feed them their favourite and nutritious food and take them to the park to play.

If they cry or get upset, you pay attention to them, listen to them and soothe them with a hug, words of affirmations and a promise to make things right for them. If someone upsets them, you chip in with a boundary.

You praise them when they do well.

If the child is unwell, you help them get better and even seek help.

Bed time, you read them a story or spend quality time and perform a ritual for them to feel seen, safe and loved.

You are this child to yourself. You need the parent you give your child too. You need all these practices before you "go to school" in the world.

Wake up daily and go through your self-care routine to feel seen, safe, acknowledged and loved. Love yourself with hugs, kind words, loving boundaries, quality time alone self-soothing, and praising yourself. Let your breathing support you, you are alive. Meditate, be grateful, set an intention, say good morning to the inner child and hug yourself. Peform a cathartic shake to feel good and alive.

Before you release your inner child into the world, make sure the mother in you is paying attention to its needs. Do not ignore yourself and abandon yourself and continue patterns of self-betrayal. Self-care helps you to improve your emotional baseline. That is the only way to begin self-love and to avoid using distractions as protective mechanisms. You need you!

When you improve your self-parenting skills, you can equally learn conflict resolution skills. As you resolve the conflict within you, most of the conflict you have with others can only be functional. The same way you resolve conflict within yourself is the way you resolve conflict with others. You can only give what you have.