You are making a choice either way

When you feel as if you do not have a choice but to stay after betrayal

You have a choice.

The decision to stay is a choice.

Not doing anything about your situation is a choice.

The only challenge is that we sometimes make choices unconsciously and do not realise that by doing nothing, we are choosing.

Also, it is what you might do about your choice even if it is not intentional that makes a difference.

If you have decided to stay post infidelity, and you want things to change, do things differently.

Begin by resetting the relationship.

We sometimes make the mistake of continuing with the relationship as it was, not understanding that it is no longer the same if something happened.

Besides, people are continuously growing and it is important to challenge yourself every minute in the relationship and ensure that you are growing.

Assess what went wrong and sit with your emotions and feel your emotions using a SIFTSEM.

1. What happened - Trigger / What you feel because they betrayed the relationship.

2. What is your trigger score from a 0 calm to 10 very distressed?

3. What are the pre-triggers?

Maybe you had a parent who betrayed the other?

Or you have been betrayed before.

What was happening in the dynamic leading to this situation? This can include Poor communication and fighting, lack of quality time etc.

What else has happened before? History of cheating.

4. What are your sensations, Images, Feelings and thoughts (What is going through your mind about this?)

5. Why are you feeling this way about their betrayal? Straight forward root cause perhaps?

What matching unmet needs from childhood do you recognise?

6. Parent and soothe yourself with touch, hugs, Words of affirmations and rocking, Cartharsis.

Reframes

What other perspective is out there?

Put yourself in their shoes? Hard but necessary.

7. What can you do about this in the short term?

Self-care

Put the relationship on hold for a period of your choosing to allow healing.

Have conversation about why they did this and express how you feel and what you intend to do for now.

Stop sex and doing anything for them.

Focus on yourself and learn self-love. You need to learn to trust yourself and let go of the story at some point.

Second level

Let them initiate their healing.

Do not enable.

Give space but do not force outcomes. They have a choice.

Consider couple counselling.

Third level

Help others.

Long term

Self-care

Evaluate their behaviour and keep doing SIFTSEM about how you feel.

Restart relationship only when you feel you can trust yourself. Let go of the situation.

Avoid repeating what they did. You can become abusive if you do not trust them.

Carthartic jog

Trigger score

Journal

Repeat daily depending on different triggers that come up on each day

When you address how you feel, you take your power back. You do not feel as if you do not have a choice. Instead, you can begin to make decisions in your best interest while observing behaviour.

When you start to prioritise yourself, you are in a position to allow your partner the freedom to choose what is best for them , and therefore what is best for the relationship.

In a relationship, two free people come together to voluntarily feed the relationship container. Without feeling supervised or directed, it is possible to do what is best for the relationship.

When you

The SIFTSEM Journal: The self-healer`s diary to develop emotional awareness and self-management in 90 days. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09CRNQDML/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_XASR551ERZGH9BRBS7JG