You are always ready, but you do not feel worthy of a good thing.

One important observation I have made is that when we are not ready to tackle our patterns that are not serving us, this comes from a feeling of low self-worth. We fear that we will not be needed when we are better. We grew up not feeling worthy, because our caregivers' treatment of us made us feel as if we had to earn love. Earning love meant doing something to make the adults around us notice us, acknowledge us and hear us. We had to please them, to soothe their pain, to help make them feel accomplished, by denying our feelings. When we come into adulthood, we have this notion that if we suffer enough, we can earn love. We therefore do not recognise the need to parent ourselves instead, to put ourselves back on the map, to demonstrate that we do not, after all need to prove ourselves to be loved. Not doing inner work comes from a lack of readiness for quality life, for peacefulness or sense of self. It comes from a subconscious feeling of "not deserving good things." It comes from suffering enough for what we need.

Excuses

We therefore devise stories that can keep us going. Such as blaming others, being busy, not having money. We look for quotes that say we are not broken. We justify our self-sabotage patterns with, " that is who I am." We look for people who tell us that it is not our fault. We point fingers at anyone who is "cruel" and does not try to understand where we are coming from. We start to avoid some paths where we might be given advice contrary to our beliefs and convictions.

We are not all the same excuses come up. We give to get, or only acknowledge people when we get something from them. We pretend that all is well and apply intellect, our own material accomplishments and any success in the material world to appear as if we are holding it together.. We look for someone or something where we can focus on as a point of blame. We might maintain a sense of self-destructive independence which prolongs our suffering as we continue to toil for a relationship. One day it just blows in our face because we are "stubborn!"

We want someone or others to deal with our triggers when we cannot deal with them ourselves. We want others to put up with our challenges, when we struggle to put up with them. The idea is to get used to our triggers, our challenges, our anxiety and deal with it. The same way we deal with weight loss, hunger and the behaviours we choose. Meanwhile, nothing changes. Because, just like food, personal development is daily consumption. As we are responsible for feeding ourselves, so are we responsible for parenting ourselves and feeling good in ourselves daily. Self-parenting is a mandatory midnight to midnight duty. We might continue to repeat patterns, or try to force that nut into the small bolt in a relationship where we have to beg for everything. We want to extract that feeling of love from him or her. So, we try to make him or her change their mind by cohesion or manipulation. Because of lessons from society, we do this for society to see, that we are doing well relationally. We try to fix the mistakes of our parents by proving that we are loveable. Instead of being foremost loveable by us. Instead of focusing on feeling good without the contribution of a man or woman. Meanwhile, cognitive distortions are rampant, with struggle with consistency, passive aggressive behaviour, and self-serving bias. Being unteachable, we might believe we are "following our paths!" Not knowing there is also such a thing as a path of self-destruction. Not knowing an open mind is part of growth mindset.

Not knowing humility is growth mindset. The reminder here is that there is no good time coming to let us know we are ready to have a quality life.

Readiness is about decisiveness and feeling worthy of a good thing.

Feeling worthy of a healthy relationship.

Feeling that in this one life, we deserve better.

We are not here to suffer. We are in charge of the decision to get better.

It is all a choice

We need to forgive ourselves for not feeling worthy. Out of 24 hours we all have 1 hour a day. 10 to 30 minutes of a self-care routine in the morning. 30 minutes in sit with our feelings and self-parent and journal. When we go to bed, we have 5 minutes to parent , reflect and set an intention. We are in bed already anyway, so no subtraction there. This is a choice. We can consider taking time from one procrastination activity that is not in our best interest and putting it to use towards our growth. It is up to individuals to make excuses, but there is a lot of stuff we do throughout the day that really does not help us grow. Self-care or self-development need to be treated as a priority, not a luxury or "one day I will exercise!" The quality of your life depends on it. Self-love is the foundation of a quality life and all the goodness and healthy relationships you can experience.