Why you do not chase someone who ghosted

Why you do not need to pursue someone who ghosted you or who is distant. By virtue of ghosting you, detaching you or ignoring you, someone is expressing that they do not want to engage with you right now. If you went to a shop and the doors were shut , you would not be knocking the door down to get in. That would be violating a boundary. The same applies to relationships. While it might feel disappointing that someone you liked is ignoring you or denying you access to them, it helps to recognise that might be this person's language of trauma. Rather than jump into taking action to try to get this person to engage, or to ask why they ignored you, recognise the situation for what it is. It is the learning in the situation you need to take forward. The conversation that heals is the intrapersonal one. You are not healed by confronting, challenging or schooling people. You are healed by focusing inwards and addressing what is going on inside you. We are not hurt by what people do. We are hurt by our expectations. We are hurt by the story we have added to a situation. Consider reframes. Perhaps they do not know how to say no. Perhaps they think sleeping with someone and dumping them can make them feel like a big boy. Perhaps they did not want a relationship. Also, just because you had sex, it does not mean you are in a relationship, or you will stay together. Whatever someone does, depends on how they feel about themselves in the situation. It is not personal. Some people are not seeing their caregivers they want to fix in you. And that is OK. Some people are feeling triggered around you. Might save you pain in the long term. Nothing that is yours requires you to sacrifice your peace of mind.

Whatever you might think you need to do with their ghosting, or their ignoring you or distancing etc, this is not likely to help you more than what you do for yourself and the reframes you apply. Whenever you want to correct others when you feel rejected, consider whether you are attaching your worthiness to the situation. One person is not your last chance.