Why fear of abandonment might end your relationship

Why fear of abandonment might end your relationship When you worry about a situation constantly, you apply protective behaviours. You try to prevent something unwanted from happening. To avoid abandonment, you over function in the relationship. You apply different strategies to keep your partner. You try to protect the connection, instead if feeling the connecting. You might tell the other person what they need to do, and make too much effort to make them feel that you are the best person for them. These behaviours can make it look like the other person is not capable of doing what they need to do for the relationship. What you are doing is going to, not only put the other person out of business, it is going to make them feel as if they cannot do the right thing. Consequently, they feel as if they cannot make you happy. In those instances, this person might strongly feel that you are not a good match. So, instead of maintaining the connection, the result is that you dismantle the connection by invalidating the input of your partner. They end up not feeling seen, acknowledged or loved for who they are. What started as you trying to protect the relationship, turns into a chasing game, when they start to retreat, while you do your best to pursue. You begin to make a sales career out of your relationship, to sell your "awesomeness" by going to them day by day, to prove yourself. Consequently, they might question your value, and feel that anyone who believes in themselves does not need to work hard to be seen. They simply shine bright just by being. People value and respect people who value and respect themselves. The important part to understand is that you both come into a relationship as adults who know what to do. If someone is not doing what they need to do for relationship, it is a choice they are allowed to make. To you, their behaviour is a symptom of how they feel about the connection. It is not a signal for you to overwork or try to protect the connection. It takes two. What you can do as an empowered individual is to assess your childhood and grieve the abandonment or rejection you suffered. Next, continue to go inwards and parent yourself daily, without trying too hard to protect the connection. As you become more connected to yourself through the practice of self-parenting, you hold on to the one connection that is more important- your own. Through avoidance of self-abandonment, you are in a position to recognise the value you possess in any relationship with others. This will help you to identify that whenever you are trying too hard in any situation, you base your worthiness on that situation. From this reflection, you are in a position to adjust your responses to any changes in a relationship, by focusing inwards, rather than striving to please a partner and keep the relationship going. You apply balance, and where you value yourself, you are likely to create space for your partner to get into and do what they can do for the relationship. Where your partner cannot step up, it is helpful to understand that not everyone we meet is going to stick around for life. Blog post here https://www.friendsabroadrelationshipschool.co.uk/post/why-fear-of-abandonment-might-end-your-relationship What you can do as an empowered individual is to assess your childhood and grieve the abandonment or rejection you suffered. Next, continue to go inwards and parent yourself daily, without trying to protect the connection. As you become more connected to yourself through the practice of self-parenting, you hold on to the one connection that is more important- your own. Through avoidance of self-abandonment, you are in a position to recognise the value you possess in any relationship with others. This will help you to identify that whenever you are trying too hard in any situation, you base your worthiness on that situation. From this reflection, you are in a position to adjust your responses to any changes in a relationship, by focusing inwards, rather than striving to please a partner and keep the relationship going. You apply balance, and where you value yourself, you are likely to create space for your partner to get into and do what they can do for the relationship. Where your partner cannot step up, it is helpful to understand that not everyone we meet is going to stick around for life.