Why do you need to stop controlling or managing a partner

Controlling and managing others is a distraction which makes you avoid facing your own problems or creating solutions for your life. In other words, it is an avoidance tactic. If you find that you have a pattern of unhealthy relationships, or that your partner is needy, this is the time to explore why you ended up where you are. Do a root cause analysis, assess your self, face your pain, your problems and your life. Invest in yourself. Explore what you are happy with and what you are unhappy about. Explore a timeline of your life. Include your challenges, mistakes, successes, wins and write them down. Look into your past relationships.How you felt before and after. Your singular life and how you show up. Any sexual challenges and history. Your home and your family dynamic. How did your parents relate to each other? How did they relate to you? Look into your partner's parents too so that you can identify why you are both in this difficult relationship. We gravitate towards people who help us to find ways to fix the shortcomings of our parents. Also explore your work history and friendship history. When you have finished explore the recurring patterns. You need to either complete 30 units of inner child work or sit and write these exercises down. Rather than engage and battle a partner, spend this time battling your inner stuff and resolve your challenges.. When you recognise your patterns and find out why you are were you are, it is easy for you to start healing. You will equally understand why it is important to focus on yourself than a partner. Rather than try to manage or fix a partner, you will equally recognise your limitations, with an understanding of their own root cause and how impossible it is for you to fix them. You will relinquish control of their life and focus on the ton of work you have to heal your own life. You will recognise how unhappy and pointless it is to pursue trying to help them, because of the complexity of their own trauma as is yours, and especially because we cannot control externals.

When you heal yourself, you develop awareness of what is important to you. You will then be in a position to choose what is best for you in relationships, with this person or another.