Why do you accept his or her bad behaviour?

Accepting bad behaviour is a coping or survival mechanism we developed when we tried our best to make our emotionally unavailable parents see us. We put up with their less than parenting to avoid upsetting them.

This is practiced or learned behaviour. In our quest to get the very love we could not make our parents give us, we gravitate towards people who will give us an opportunity to turn the tables. Or to put right what was done wrong in our childhood.

So we love too much and put our needs aside.

We prioritise the needs of a partner We try to please and be the understanding partner they need.

We make excuses for them so that they do not suffer. We let them abuse us because they did not express their needs in childhood or in a previous relationship.

We base our worth on a relationship or the partner.

We try to give them a chance so that maybe, they can become what we want.

We try to avoid upsetting the status quo.

This comes from a belief that avoiding conflict will help us keep someone in our lives.

However, the more we give, the less they notice, because there is no standard set for them to follow. There are no boundaries, and they lose respect.

They also believe that with our self-sacrifice and martyrdom, we are not likely to leave.

What to do

Our resentment guides us to our unmet needs. As we give more, we begin to feel short changed and bitter.

The very thing we avoid is the very thing we need to do.

To change the way we do things.

To learn to honour ourselves and our needs.

To understand that we matter.

To learn express ourselves.

To learn express ourselves without bleeding on them. To say no and hold our boundaries..

We can start to notice that the relationship is not what we want, rather than feel that we are worthless.

We need to start acknowledging our needs and focusing on ourselves, not a partner or a relationship.

Self-love is key

When we learn to love ourselves, we create boundaries and say no to what does not feel good.

We do not fear losing anyone but ourselves.

We begin to recognise whether someone is good for us or not. This is important instead of putting their needs over ours.

When we love ourselves, we believe in our worth and gravitate towards people who will meet our needs.

We also understand that conflict is important as long as it is functional.