Why are you choosing this person?

Why are you choosing this person to be your partner?

There is a reason why you might choose a particular person for relationship, just like you choose which bank to get a loan from, the route you follow to a destination, the job you do, your kind of diet or the friends you hang our with.

In your days of learning conscious living, which also implies conscious dating, you will recognise the importance of asking yourself why you made or make certain decisions. This includes why you might choose, or have chosen someone for relationship too. Or why you are choosing them.

So, when you start dating, feel your way through your experiences. From responding to that message, to planning a date. Objectively evaluate these experiences.

Sometimes the simple explanation is that it feels right. What helps is to recognise what it is that feels "right" about this situation and person?

By "feels right", consider whether you sat with those feelings, considering your relationship plan?

Because in a state of unconsciousness, we can choose a trauma mate!

Consider whether you explored what exactly you mean, in terms of pretriggers and accompanying thoughts. A trauma bond can seemingly feel right from the start, because the feelings and thoughts fit with your childhood experiences.

This might happen when you have not reflected on your decision from the start.

Sometimes too, when we feel desperate to get something, any relationship feels right, because anyone might seem good enough. They are better than not having anyone.

So, before you make a big decision after meeting someone or while dating, you might want to continue observing behaviour and asking yourself, "Why this person?" "Why now?"

From being exclusive, to sleeping with someone or getting married, ask yourself why you are continuing to choose them. Just because, even after years together, people are recognising that they are not good for each other.

Consider this;

How do you feel in their presence and their absence? Both matter.

When asking yourself this question in relationships, this might also be a time to explore attachment styles. When you are insecure attached, the best thing you can learn to do for yourself is to look into why you do what you do in each moment.

The same way you ask yourself why you might choose a particular job amongst many , and a particular person for friendship.

Your initial feelings of a person might not necessarily be accurate. Exclude emotional reasoning to justify your choice. Also, be aware of, choice-supportive bias later on which can lead to staying stuck in this dynamic, to prove that you made the right choice.

Explore why someone is the best candidate for your situation.

Explore the benefits of being with this person.

Do not discount red flags.

Do not betray yourself to be in a relationship.

Do not be desperate.

Do not allow the situation to progress if the reason for relationship are not aligned with growth and they are making glow!

The easiest most fastest way to find out how someone fits in with your values is by going back home. Recognise the kind of parents who raised you.

Notice any particular qualities in this person that feel familiar.

Heal your inner child.

Use tools daily and have decision making tools on the ready.

Observe the dynamic and hold on to your boundaries.