When your ex who is in another relationship keeps coming back

The last thing you need is to allow an ex to keep coming back and forth between you and their new relationship. Reasons they keep coming back 1. They left and did not heal before the next relationship. 2. They are not sure about the relationship they are in. 3. They do not have a sense of self and are looking for something to fulfil them outside themselves. 4. They are getting away with what they are allowed to get away with. 5. They are looking for love in the wrong places.

5. Lack of dignity. Why you allow your ex to come and go. 1. You lack solid boundaries to adhere to your values. 2. You believe you are better than their new person. 3. You are hoping things will get back to what they were. 4. You do not believe you can find someone better. 5. You are not over them.

6. You struggle with self-respect.

Problems

Your ex will continue to get away with betraying both of you, as long as you are allowing them to come and go as they wish. Your ex will not see the incentive to change or step up unless you value yourself. You might remain on a rollercoaster of confusion unless you create boundaries, create a boundary to close the door and explore healing. The other person might not even know that your ex is still seeing you. This might mean that their relationship might be persevere in some cases, because they might not be fighting over a third party.

Solutions

Detach

By pausing contact and letting go, you allow your ex to decide what is best for them while you are not in the equation. Besides, dealing with someone who seems to be unsure of themselves can just lead to confusion on your part too.

Love and respect yourself and know that you can do better.

Explore healing work and address abandonment trauma.

Explore root cause Why are you in this situation? What in your childhood is keeping you stuck in this cycle?

What would someone who loves you tell you to do in such a situation? How can you act in your best interest? You ought to take control of your life and not allow someone to dictate what happens in your life. The reason why you might make unhealthy decisions in your life is because you are not taking the time to feel your feelings and use them to create solutions. Denial of emotions leads to reactive behaviours.

Plan

Welcome, and sit with the discomfort of not having your ex there. Name what is happening in your body. Explore cognitive distortions that make you believe that you need to be with someone who left and is now with someone else. What beliefs are keeping you stuck in this cycle? Heal your abandonment trauma and apply reframes with each trigger. Practice self-care and parent yourself daily.

Unless you address what led to the break up, it is not possible to have a healthy relationship with your ex. You broke up for a reason. That reason needs addressing first. Work on your side of things. Create solutions to detach, to work on self-worth, to love and respect yourself and to believe you are worth of someone who is on the same page. Communicate your boundaries on the second level with your ex, cut contact or maintain parental contact, and start to grieve the loss and let go.