When you keep trying and nothing is changing

If you are in a relationship where you believe that you are leading and following at the same time, address your belief system. You cannot do relationship alone. If you keep trying to fix and other person is not trying, it is worth looking into your childhood and upbringing. Perhaps you grew up in a home where you had to work hard to be seen, loved and acknowledged for who you are. That is a reason you might try too hard in relationships. Remember, we do relationships according to how we were brought up. Unhealed, we try to recreate our childhood feelings and fix our parents in our relationships. In this situation where you might be over functioning, take a step back and take a look at yourself. Recognise that you are a worthy human deserving of love and effort. You do not need to try too hard. Relationships require reciprocity.

You cannot do relationship alone.

Plan

You can create a timeline for yourself to observe how things go while you work on yourself.

You need to know when to stop. When the rubber band is about to snap. Do not get into the space when someone is not showing up. Ask yourself, what happens if you are not making all the effort? If you stop making too much effort, and nothing changes, that is the response you need. If the other person does not get into the space, and show up for their role, this is information to understand that you might not be on the same page.

You can move on. It might hurt, but you will heal. However, sometimes, people step up when they are given an opportunity to think for themselves without pressure. When you constantly get into the space to cover for a partner's lack of effort, you wear yourself out. You also take away their role from them, and they might not have anything to do. Additionally, the more you do, the more resentful you become, and also the more desperate you might sound to the other person. It is important to also learn about acting in your best interest. Recognise your limits. Honour your boundaries. Use the SIFTSEM tool on Amazon to manage yourself. Doing too much that others need to do can indicate a struggle with emotional self-control. If you tune in to your emotions, you can create solutions for self-care. Invest in your interests and explore healing work. Revisit your boundaries and adhere to your values. Focus on a relationship you want not a person. Until you meet the person with whom you will create a healthy relationship, let go of people who are not meeting your needs. Consider trusting and allowing others to choose their decisions and behaviours. To make choices for things that matter to them. Even if that does not include you.