When you are healing and nothing in you relationship changes

When you are healing but the relationship is not changing

Working on yourself does not guarantee that your relationship with your partner will improve.

When you work on yourself, it is therefore important to recognise that you are working to strengthen your self-connection and to ultimately improve the quality of your life. You are trying to enhance your experience on this journey.

Whether your partner comes with you or not is not the number one priority. It would be nice though! Yet...

When you are working on yourself, Explore your why You are working towards unconditional peacefulness, for your quality life. Everyone else and everything else will be covered by this, your why.

You are now learning to express yourself, and you may initially communicate what you are looking for, and not particularly from them. No matter how long you have been together.

You may also express that healing is a good idea for both.

You no longer demand that your partner work on themselves. That on its own is a sign of struggle. .

Instead, you trust that they will do what is best. You welcome their decision to work with you to improve the dynamic if they so wish.

And their inaction and lack of improvement if they so wish, is information you need to make decisions.

Your healing benefits you and it does benefit your relationships too. Your healing might not improve the dynamic of your relationship. The idea is to use that information to move your life forward.

Why might your romantic relationship not improve?

1. When you start healing, and you do not have a conversation around standards in the relationship or what is not working, this might not give your partner an idea of your intentions. While they are aware of problems in the relationship, when you are using tools, open communication encourages one last conversation where you discuss what yoy are looking for in a relationship. Not with them specifically. It does not matter how long you have been together.

When then you leave, you will have made them aware of your needs. You might also express the recommendation for therapy or counselling. 2. Recognise that some people are addicted to chaos. They will try to keep looking for a feeling that is familiar. For that reason, they maintain the same behaviours that trigger chaos in a relationship.

3. It is important to heal. It is also important to reflect on how your healing is benefitting you. Look into the approaches that you are applying. Your healing benefits from basing itself in the dichotomy of control.

Learn detachment and trust and allow that your partner will do the best they can. If someone is not pressured , not directed or controlled, it is easy for them to decide what is best for them. You want a partner who chooses you without you putting your hand up to be picked!

4. Consider how you are enforcing boundaries. People continue their behaviour if there is no incentive to change. Boundaries do not require that you keep repeating yourself. Those are no longer boundaries. That is pressure and control. 5. It is important to recognise that when you start parenting yourself and working on yourself, one of two things will happen.

1. Your relationship will change for the better, if you detach, avoid pressure and let your partner choose.

2. Your partner will maintain their behaviour. This is information you need to know that you are with the right person. As a person who is starting to feel good looking after themselves, you are in a position to choose the environment that is best for you.

6. If they do not see the incentive to change, give yourself, not them a timelime. Do not give ultimatums. If they do not seek support or improve their behaviour that means you need to change something or someone.

What might help in such a situation is to use tools to enforce boundaries. People are on loan. You do your best but without losing yourself. When your timeline is due, you may communicate your exit. Do not threaten or give in to demands, threats or tears. You gave them the chance.

This is also a sign that you are healing. You are accepting their choice without pushing against them. Your healing changes your self relationship, and in turn attracts relationships matching your inner states. So, hold space for yourself and accept that your present partner might have come to the end of their tenure in your life. Let go of what no longer fits in your life. Thank them for walking you thus far and wish them well.