When we were abandoned

To learn forgiveness and to let go. No, it is not excusable to abandon children. Nobody can minimise that. Yet, in a painful revelation, I can atest that people do not want to intentionally hurt, abandon their children. People are trying to cope in an unhealthy way, without resources, in the best way they know. We are victims of victims and if we are unaware, we continue the cycle. The idea for those of us who have been victims is to heal and gradually learn to live our lives. To manage ourselves and to practice dichotomy of control. Key word "gradually" let go. For those of us who also transmitted this pandemic, we can learn from what we did, and seek forgiveness while forgiving ourselves. Dichotomy of control is key here again. People cannot change what they have already done. We all need to grieve our love losses and hopefully one day let go. However, we need to stop making excuses about our coping if we are learning about childhood trauma. This is why we need to heal. Not might need to, or if we want, but need to. Choice is available yes, but truth is, healing is a requirememt. Keep reflecting and reframing, and the story will come together. Perhaps look into how she was raised. You might have insight into why she did what she did. Key word " insight" Learn to look at you parents' childhood to understand why they were, or are, the way they are. Learn to share with your children why you do or have done some things. Some children do not show signs of trauma but might realise I their 30s, 40s or 50s, so open up to them about your struggles, and recommend they learn to parent themselves. It is a journey, and it is long, but hopefully this might nudge you towards some parts of healing. Hopefully you learn to focus on yourself. To give yourself what was taken away from you. What you did not have.

Because, only you can give you what you need without condition. No-one else.