When they keep talking about their ex

Initially, when you meet, yes, it helps to share information about exs. It is helpful information to help you understand each other and your past. Long term, in passing, it is natural to mention exs in conversations, but not constantly as the focal point of conversation.

It is important to recognise that there is absolutely no excuse to keep talking about your ex in a new relationship.

This is not necessarily possessiveness or insecurity. There is so much of your own relationship to talk about without talking about the past. You need to learn to move on. When people do this, it is when they are struggling to move on, either due to bitterness or due to attachment. That can be very subconscious. If you are at the receiving end of their complaints of their ex, you can end up re-living their previous relationship. You can be turned into an example of what they do not want. It is not your fault that they had problems in the previous relationship. It is not your responsibility to suffer because they feel abandoned. They should not be dating if they are not over their ex. They need a therapist to have these discussions. These discussions can take the focus off the relationship. Or they might be cover up for lack of things to discuss in your own relationship. There is so much of your relationship to enjoy and focus on. Talking about exs will take the time away from your own relationship. You can create a boundary. 1. Communicate or express Let them know that you prefer talking about the two of you. 2. Reminder Agree a code work to let them stop if they start talking about their ex. 3. Change subjects. If they keep talking about the ex, try to bring the topic to something you are both doing. 4. Action If they persist, take action. Detach. Get up and wash dishes. Get up and get out. You do not have to listen. You can tune out without repeatedly telling them what you do not like. It will catch on. What you allow continues. There is so much of your relationship to enjoy and discuss. Otherwise, you become their therapist. If they cannot move on, you can let go. People change when there is incentive.