When the relationship is changing gradually and without notice

Relationships normally start really well, with both of you eager to know each other. You try your best and do, most likely your best.

You might get to three months, with promises that you are going to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Then suddenly, you start noticing the following

1. He now only sees you weekdays, after work until midnight.

2. Your meet ups involve sex and then he goes.

3. You only meet at home.

4. Weekends, he is either busy or he comes to you after hanging out with the boys, sleeps with you then leaves.

5. He might be coming to yours only and making excuses about going to his.

6. Or he might invite you over for a limited period, and let you know he has plans.

7. There might be inconsistency with communication.

8. The plans you made together are not being fulfilled.

These might be subtle signs that your relationship is changing to something entirely different.

What is helpful for you to consciously acknowledge this dynamic as feedback.

Recognise what is within your control, and focus on that.

The foremost step when you notice that there are changes, is to go within and focus on yourself.

1. Detach and spend more time away from the relationship.

2. Try not to initiate contact unless it is more consistent.

3. Ask yourself what you want, and seek it within.

4. If he initiates dates, let him know of a public place that you would love to visit.

5. After dates, learn to go home without him either for a period to reset the dynamic, or once every 2 dates if he is consistent.

6. Ensure some dates are days that you prefer, rather than say yes to everything he says.

If there is pressure to go to his house or for him to come to yours, for sex only, let him know that if he is too busy to spend time together, you can allow him space until he has time.

Put emphasis on quality, not just to be with him.

Meanwhile, if this is not a long relationship, you can start dating others. The only important thing to note is that dating others does not have to include sex.

If it is a long term relationship, you can observe as you invest in yourself and your interests. Give yourself a timeline. At some point, you might express how you feel once, without blame, demands or entitlement.

If nothing changes, remember, even long term relationships end.