When a man is not helping out

If your male partner is not helping out at home or with children, then it can help to have boundaries. Create a self-care routine and adhere to it.

You teach people how to treat you. So, recognise parents are from two people, and he has a responsibility to get involved.

Make plans and leave him at home with kids and go out. If he is not exposed to tasks, or parenting, he will not parent. It helps to avoid caretaking otherwise his learned helplessness just kicks in.

Repeated talking does not solve issues. Words do not teach. Action does. Continue with self-parenting and creating decisions and acting on them.

Give yourself a timelime. Not him. Maybe after a month of self focus introduce routines or rituals. Sit once a week to resolve conflict. No accusation or blame just expressing. Also, allow him to express his concerns.

Introduce a date night once a week.

Love languages are also important.

Show appreciation when he does something right.

Introduce rotas and ensure you both spend time with kids daily. Even if it is 15 minutes. They need it from both.

We all need encouragement. You being the conscious party, you might try to inspire. Through that behaviour, you also practice self-compassion.

If you apply action, and nothing changes, then decide what is best for you. If you are not thriving where you are, learn to leave. When you decide to leave, refrain from negotiating. Do not accept when he begs you to stay. You gave him an opportunity.

SIFTSEM Journal can help you to introduce self-care, and problem solve while engaging directly in an unhealthy way about issues. Self-parenting helps you to find balance.

If he has problems with your self-care routine, do not give in. He needs to get used to it. Or leave. You need you. Do not lose yourself trying to keep someone.

The SIFTSEM Journal: The self-healer`s diary to develop emotional awareness and self-management in 90 days. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09CRNQDML/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_PY5QCVFBSCXH4HE1Q6DD