What your break up is teaching you.

A break up reflects the nature of your relationship with someone. It is information you require to recognise that the relationship has reached its end by date.

If the person you break up with has initiated the break up, this is a moment of clarity that you need to move on.

It does not mean that you are not good enough.

A break up does not mean they found someone better than you. It does not mean that you need to make an effort to change anything.

A break up signals the end of a relationship with one person, not the whole world. It is a sign of the end of one relationship cycle. You might even have another cycle with this person. For now though, detach and let go.

Grieving is not only required, but also perfectly natural state before you move to a next relationship.

A relationship is a container that holds its own set of traumas and emotions that need to be dealt with.

A break up is a container where the traumas and emotions need to be addressed and where parenting takes place.

Create a break up plan with 90 days of SIFTSEM. Break ups have many opportunities to learn trigger management.

Love on three levels. Take the opportunity to get out of the relationship completely by triggering no contact. Parental contact only for people who co-parent.

When you detach completely, you can notice things you did not see in the relationship. Things you might have been denying. Parental contact only for people who co-parent. Remove any excuses to reach out or entertain your ex for a period. This gives you clarity, even if you might get back together at some point.

Self-parenting Learn to parent yourself and commit to yourself. Give yourself a minimum timeline where you do not date. Learn to and accept being alone for a while. Learn to prioritise yourself and put yourself on your to do list. Invest in your interests, travel and do the things you have not done while in a relationship. Intentionally learn from this relationship to know what to avoid and to know what you like. There are behaviours such as doing more in a relationship that you need to acknowledge and let go of. Create a relationship plan which consists of a vision board, relationship of your choice and how you plan to approach dating.

Give and receive love with an immediate circle.

With five love languages and five senses. Ask for help in therapy, counselling or support group.

Learn to detach from self-focus and give to others in need.

Long term Continue love on three levels with consistent self-care. Start dating or practice dating. Monitor what type of relationship you get into Listen when a man or partner is not looking for same relationship, and let go early on. Monitor red flags Avoid settling in relationships that are not fit for your purpose.

When you break up, it is an opportunity to expand and meet other people, do other things, and visit other places. Do not summarise you life with one relationship or one person. Move on. Intentionally. Gradually. Eventually. You got this.