What would you do instead?

Replacement exercises

Most of us believe ourselves to be stuck.

To be confined to, or doomed to a situation.

To be in a hopeless rut..

Yet, all it might take is self-parenting and recognising what situation you are in, and seeking ways to replace your present habits.

Consider what a loving parent would do or say, if they noticed you struggling where you are. Instead of texting your ex your thoughts about what they did to you, write in your journal that you are going to adhere to your values. If you feel compelled to text someone who left you, wishing them a happy birthday or similar, compel yourself to wish yourself some healing instead. Do not invest your effort where it is not appreciated.

Instead of doing too much for someone and they keep betraying you, recognise that this is your energy, your time and effort or money you need for you. Instead of evaluating other people's mistakes, lives or behaviours, take the time to reflect on why you are feeling what you are feeling and what you can do about it. Do not get used to over investing in others. You are stealing away your own time. If you keep getting distressed by a situation, you keep feeling let down, disrespected or not prioritised, remember that you can get out. Take time off that situation to honour yourself. By taking yourself away from disrespectful situations, you are in turn, respecting yourself. Do not get used to being disrespected. Where you might fixate on the behaviour of a partner and pick it apart, instead, focus on how you are feeling about their behaviour and what solutions you can apply about your situation. This is your effort to put into your life, not someone who knows what they want. Instead of assigning diagnosis to other people's behaviour, assign a diagnosis to your need to diagnose. This is your investment to assess yourself and decide what is best for you. Where you might want to sleep around because you miss touch, go for a run and go and pay for a massage. This is your energy to build yourself up. When you might be drinking, look into hanging out with an accountability person who does not drink and invest in a hobby. This is your willpower to improve your life. Where you might be aware of your struggle with eating and overly invest in sweets and chocolates, perhaps start to ask yourself why. Or invest that money to seek support. Buy one a day and invest in whole filling foods. Where you might eat when stressed, pay attention to your emotions. Rest more and drink a lot of water and go exercise daily. Where you might feel like rushing back to date, look into welcoming this space to heal. This is your time that you can channel to understanding yourself. Where you might want to look for people to feel like you belong, perhaps you need yourself. This is an opportunity for you to learn to belong to you. Where you might feel helpless, and feel like you are not strong enough, lean on you. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. The same amount of energy you invest towards improving other areas of your life can be used to improve any other challenging areas of your life. Where you believe you are confined to an unhealthy relationship, unhealthy coping strategies and cycles of challenges, recognise that you can do something different. Try to do something different. Or differently. Ask others and try out what they are doing. Put it down, let it go, because it is not helping you. Where you might do it alone and still get the same outcomes, recognise toxic independence. Maybe try out a new way and get support. Get help in therapy, counselling or coaching. Depend on yourself.Everyone is in need of themselves too right now. Beliebe in yourself. You got it in you. Only when we are able to find healthy replacements for our non beneficial or bandaid habits, can we truly come together into newer and healthier and safer spaces that we all create.