What is your abandonment language?

Your growth is dependent on learning your abandonment language.

With the awareness of attachment theory we are learning that we each have a strategy that we developed when we suffered a loss in childhood.

The losses you suffered may have been temporary and frequent or a permanent.

Maybe you suffered a permanent loss of a parent. Or an emotional loss of a parent, who was physically present but not emotionally attentive or responsive. Or one parent was rarely present.

In all these losses, we each developed coping strategies which we have brought into our adulthood.

Some people lash out when rejected. They will hit, hurt and use verbal abuse when someone says no to them, disagrees with them or does not give them what they want.

Some people cling and hold tightly, and end up stifling and killing it.

Others will protect themselves by avoiding others altogether.

Some will come close initially, then run at the sign of abandonment.

Amongst all these people, are those who will stay focused on the rejecting party, and try by all means to get back the attention they had.

Some will try to harm the parties who rejected them by seeking revenge.

There are others who will end up disrupting the lives of those who rejected them.

Perhaps they will steal from that person.

Perhaps they will cause physical harm.

Others will try to make someone feel inferior.

In other cases they will take away what that person has.

There are also people who will gracefully accept rejection, grieve and move on. They know that it hurts to be rejected, but they also understand that people and things are on loan. Life gives them to you.

They understand that another person’s no, is an expression of their boundaries and choices. They respect other people's choices just like they want done for them too.

They will accept that life has many perspective, and theirs is not the only perspective..

Because when we react adversely to abandonment it is because we want to be right. We believe that ours is the only perspective, and the other person "should" have stayed with us, or should have given us what we want. Or we "should" not have lost what we lost.

The invitation is to explore how you respond to rejection. Not just friends saying they are busy today, or a lover leaving you, but the rejection of not getting what you want.

The concept of dichotomy of control will help you to learn to trust the process.

To love yourself and not force outcomes.

To trust and allow that you are safe, you are not forgotten and you will get something worthwhile in the place of what you lost.

To understand that your worth does not depend on being right or being in a particular situation.

To welcome what is, and identify that you are likely to live a peaceful life if you learn to practice abundance.

There is more where you got that person or what you have from.

Nothing you have or had is your last chance.

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