What do you bring to your relationships?

What are you offering in relationships if you think there are no good men or women?

Maybe you are looking for a relationship. Perhaps you are in a relationship where you are not exactly clear where you you stand. It is this awareness that cam help you improve your relationship outcomes when you pay attention to yourself. Park your expectations of a lover and start looking at yourself as a package. What are you offering? How are you offering it?

Now and before, consider this:

What do you or did you bring to the relationship? What might you, or are you contributing to the relationship? In what way might you, or do you help the relationship thrive? What skill-set do you possess to co-create a healthy relationship?

The issue here is that it is not just a relationship you want. It is a healthy relationship that you need to get into. A relationship requires skills. No, they did not think to teach us this at school.

Sometimes people do not even know what they offer because they have not reflected on their strengths and weaknesses. They have not reflected on what qualities and skills can improve the outcomes of a relationship. You hear someone say, "I am a good person", and wonder what that had to do with creating healthy relationships.

We need ; To be self-aware, trust ( confidence and self-belief) and reflective with a large ability to self-regulate. Decision-making and communication skills. Conflict resolution skills. Higher perspective skills or open mindedness. Empathy skills to compassionately hold space. Team work skills to enable collaboration and support. Influencing and inspiring skills instead of control. To avoid forcing outcomes.

Perhaps you struggled in your previous relationship. Or you are struggling in the present one. Reflect on what skills were or are missing in the relationship.

What would help, or could have helped the relationship or you early on? Later on? Now?

So, before you feel like the world has a shortage of so called "good men and women", consider whether you are in the skills shortage list or you are in need of training.

It is easy to feel as if you are short of options when you have not explored healing. It is easy to feel that there is something wrong with men when you are looking for one.

Or you might feel there is something wrong with women if you are interested in one, but have not worked on your inner stuff. It is mostly the fault of others when you have not healed. " They have a problem."

"You are betrayed."

"People are unkind."

You end up in a state of generalisations because all you know is fight and flight. "Everyone is an enemy." "Nobody can be trusted." " If they cannot do it my way, there is no other way!"

Before you move one step forward today, consider sitting down with a pen and paper. Write down what you feel you need in a relationship. What skills does that invite? Do you have that skill? Learn it. Repeat it. Practice it. Embed it. Sustain it.