We repeat what we do not repair

Fear of dating or relationships post break up If you are feeling as if you will keep getting hurt post break up, recognise that you do not need to put everyone under the sake blanket or to stereotype. Just because you had a difficult relationship, does not mean you will keep having difficult relationships. Just because you struggled in your previous relationship, does not mean you will keep struggling in every relationship. Just because it did nor work out with previous partners, does not mean it will not work out in future. Instead of attaching worthiness to what did not work out, lean into the feelings and use them to create solutions. Dichotomy of control helps you focus on what is within your control. Take responsibility for your life and explore inner work. Get to know who you are on a deeper level. What do you want out of life? Take the time to grieve endings and learn to let go. Trust and allow the universe to grant you what is yours to enjoy for a time when it is due. Buy tranquility through learning tools on love on three levels. Invest in yourself and commit to yourself to improve your existence.

Do things you love. Travel. Practice loving people in your circle and the greater good. Learn about childhood trauma. Perhaps you subconsciously attached to people who helped you to recreate home. We look for people who help us to try and fix our parent's short comings when we have not healed. We look for familiarity, to recreate our childhood feelings. Learn about the impermanence of things and recognise that it is not the length, but quality of the relationship that matters. People and things are on loan and recycled. Everything is good while it lasts. Learn from what was happening in the ended relationships. Look into why you ended up there, what was happening in the dynamic and how you can work on your side of things. Maintain no contact or strictly parental contact to allow the healing process. Avoid reactive posts on social media or WhatsApp status.

Learn about the shortness of life and recognise that you can choose to get into healthy relationships in the short time you have on earth. Seek counselling, therapy, coaching or co-parenting. for accountability to make conscious changes in your life. Create a relationship plan and avoid rushing back to dating until you have tools to manage yourself. Start self-care consistently and journal emotions and create and implement solutions.

Learn about virtue and congruence, so that you assess people based on character.

Learn to love yourself and honour your boundaries, so that you only get into situations that are aligned with your purpose.

Avoid using externals such as money, looks, height as a compatibility check.

SIFTSEM TOOL- Sensations, Images, Feelings, Thoughts, Soothing, Endorphin Release, and Meeting Unmet Needs.: A solution focused emotional-regulation and cognitive restructuring tool for triggers. The SIFTSEM Journal: The self-healer`s diary to develop emotional awareness and self-management in 90 days. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09CRNQDML/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_J0BZJ7B95EJNA6GWQSZ3 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08TQCYC7G/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_BW0K4KVYP33WT5616KR2