Taking responsibility for your life and relationship decisions

As shared in an earlier post, trauma affects self-leadership. When we are unhealed we can struggle to make decisions in our best interest due to learned helplessness.

An example of this learned helplessness is the habit of going back to an unhealthy relationship repeatedly.

This comes with a struggle to detach and focus inwards. Instead, you might feel distressed and panic at the thought of losing the person who is co-creating a toxic dynamic with you.

This dynamic makes you unhappy. You suffer emotional and sometimes physical harm. You do not have your needs met. You are not treated with compassion or respect.

Yet, you still feel that you " love" this person, and keep going back to the "good" they do or they thrills of the experience.

In those moments, you forget the harm you suffer in this dynamic. In moments of emotional sanity, you might feel that the other person is to blame for your unhappiness.

You blame them for pulling you back in. For keeping you in the relationship to "use you"

Or for being cruel and not being there for you when you noticed all along they were not healthy for you.

The point is to learn to take charge of your adult life, instead of leaving the decision in the hands of someone else.

Recognising what is healthy comes with healing your inner stuff. Additionally, applying systems or tools in your life can help you to determine what is, and what is not in your best interest. Recognise that if something is not working ir helping, you need to apply a different strategy.

If you are trying too hard and you are in an unhealthy relationship, then you can consider doing the opposite. Additionally, consider what situation you would recommend for your child or someone you love.

It is also helpful to recognise the standards society have adhered to for a while which are detrimental to your wellbeing. These include a belief that you need to suffer for relationships.

Furthermore, it is time to acknowledge that single is not a bad thing until you are in a healthy relationship. Training for your relationships is therefore key.

While trauma makes you live in survival mode and not notice when you are unsafe, healing can help you to recognise solutions that are fit for purpose for your life and situation.

Taking charge of your life involves recognising that nobody can keep you where you do not want to be, unless it is incarceration.