Unhealthy relationships

Life lessons

I would like to raise awareness that toxicity is not confined to pair bond relationships only, it can apply to family and friends, groups and work places too.

If you are constantly having problems with someone in any environment or you are competing intensely in any environment there is a problem. A environment can also not feel good due to constant negativity.

When someone is constantly reminding you of your mistakes and how incapable you are,without offering you guidance to be better, that is toxic.

If either friends, family members or coworkers are talking about you negatively behind your back, that is a covert sign of toxicity.

If you are doing the same about other people, constantly talking about others negatively and being judgemental and seeing your own "good side", that is toxic too.

We might be trying to prove to other people how better than others we are. That is covertly toxic.

Many people hold on to toxic relationships, with partners, colleagues, friends and family members and wonder why their lives are miserable.

We need our families, we cannot change them. We can therefore create boundaries around contact especially if it comes to parents, if we feel they are toxic.

If we really want to stay in a work place we can stand up for ourselves and assertively create boundaries or gradually leave.

However, it is important to use a tool first instead of just running away in case its us. In fact we all have a role to play in a toxic dynamics even if its just enabling.

With everyone else its about making some difficult choices.

We can make new friends if the friendship is toxic. There is no use having a friend who repeats "secrets" you shared with everyone, someone who everyone always says, " they said this bad thing about you!" Or when you meet it is always discussions about other people, a problem or being victims or any such discussions that do not make you grow.

There is no use keeping in touch with a cousin who wants to remind you how much of a failure you are.

You can always send them a text once a month to keep in touch or hold off contact for a few months or a year. Yes, no contact is also useful in toxic family situations.

Even when you struggle with your own children, there is no harm in cutting contact for a while.

People can manipulate you, especially family or significant others as if you owe them. No, you do not if there is no mutual respect.

In addition, do not cut contact with anger or hate, but with self compassion and forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean we have to be together or stay in each other’s lives, its about loving kindness to yourself.

Your mental health is more important than being related or having friends. People who have your best interests will support you through your limitations.

Friendships, work contracts and relationships have use by dates too. With family, you can apply brakes, then restart when you have dealt with yourself first.

After all if you are toxic, that also needs addressing 💕💕

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