Turning men and partners into projects

#selfhealersdiaries

Turning men or lovers into projects

When we love too much, we are still struggling to love ourselves. So, we can turn men or partners into projects or objects of obsession to improve them so that they can love us. We make a decision to find someone, and then begin the project to mould them into what we want them to be.

We therefore gravitate towards people we view as "challenging." These are people who have need for work to be "done on them". This gives us an opportunity to practice our childhood caretaking skills. So we start a full time job to fix them.

We believe that if they can just dress as well as we like our men or women to dress;

Maybe give them so much money to buy the gear;

Make them their special food and wash and iron their clothes;

Prompt them to stop their unhealthy eating or lifestyle habits;

Maybe get them into therapy or rehabilitation;

or perhaps buy them an expensive car so they do not feel inferior ,

Or maybe set their alarm so they do not miss the wedding;.

and help them to look for that job they have always wanted....Perhaps they can love us.

If a relationship seems to only move forward with a lot of our effort, then it might not be the right relationship for us. The idea is to be OK with not being OK and welcome the discomfort as a message to take appropriate action.

People do not love or stay with us for what we do for them. They love and stay with us for how they feel when they are with us.

People are not our projects. We are our projects and need to put that focus in our lives where it belongs.

We do not need to contort ourselves to fit in. We can just be...and the right person will step into their role.

Start your self-project and learn emotional intelligence. You are your lifetime project. Learn to put your energy into your life where it belongs. Let other grown ups who are capable do the same.

A partner is not a project on your to do or to fix list. Let him or her dress, eat, walk, talk , drink, socialise and live the way he wants. All you can do is observe whether you are in a relationship that is aligned with your purpose and allows peace of mind. Yes, you may express your needs with vulnerability, having boundaries for yourself, for how many times you express same needs to the sake person. Also consider whether you can meet those needs yourself where possible to avoid bleeding or projecting your insecurities on a partner. The right person for you will meet you all the way. People are valuing their peacefulness.