The unmet need underlying lack of boundaries and not adhering to boundaries

Boundaries are difficult for many of us.

Why?

We are afraid of hurting others. Why? We want to be the good guy. Why? We want validation from being people pleasers. Why? We believe by saying or doing something that might be opposite to what others want, we lose the ideal image. Why? Because we put importance in what society says that how we feel.

Where did we learn this?

We grew up denying our feelings and our reality to hold on to the illusion that we were being raised in normal families.

The very act of denial comes from a need to control. When we lack boundaries, we are trying to manipulate or control others

Lack of boundaries is therefore a sign of denial of our feelings and our reality. Consequently, it means self-betrayal from lack of self-compassion.

We would rather make others comfortable than acknowledge how we feel!

Now, the very act of not having boundaries can also result in us not respecting other people's boundaries.

Their boundaries mean we cannot have our way

By not respecting other people's boundaries, we come from a place of entitlement. Again, that is a control tactic.

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