The stories we tell ourselves

I am beginning to learn a few things about my attitude and behaviour.

Mindfulness On returning home from work, I found my insides contracting. I felt tense and irritable with someone who was not in front of me in that moment.

Thoughts started to enter my head. Luckily, due to mindfulness, I caught myself early on in this very short self-conversation.

I recognised straight away that I was struggling within. So, I moved my eyes from side to side to be present.

Marcus Aurelius said, Life is short. That’s all there is to say. Get what you can from the present – thoughtfully, justly.

I recognised that I had not segment intended on entering the house. I needed to rest after work.

I needed to take some deep breaths before the next segment , and acknowledge what I had just done. When a child is praised for what they have done, they feel content. We need that too, from us.

So, in order to soothe, the child in me was protesting. I had found something to focus on so that I can feel good about myself.

Something that can sound justified, but really is an act of self-sabotage.

I compassionately detached from the conversation that was about to transpire in my body and head, accepted it, viewed it as a third party, breathed into it, and asked the managers and firefighters a few questions and applied reframes.

Within 90 seconds, I had used affirmations, gratitude, self-hugs, cartharsis to sooth, and I was back to a calm and content and grateful state.

I recognised that these kinds of conversations are commonplace, moreso, if I am not segment intending. In cases where I do not catch them early on, I can end up in a rabbit hole.

I might end up aggressively reacting or self-sabotaging.

I recognised too, that, generally, children and loved ones can be at the receiving end of our unaddressed internal conversations. Sometimes, these people cannot defend themselves.

Additionally, we might become passive aggressive because, we have not addressed and validated these conversations. So, we try to project our wounds here and there.

We can also focus on what someone is seemingly doing, or not doing, on doors that are closing, because we are not giving ourselves the time to explore the validity of conversations we are telling ourself.

Sometimes, where we can observe behaviour and opt for the lessons and let go, we might keep picking problems apart.

An understanding that this conversation is perspective can lead us to open up to the fact that there is other perspective.

When we understand this, we might learn to manage ourselves instead of harming ourselves. To focus on applying solutions, rather than stay on the problem.

Marcus Aurelius also said, "To live a good life: We have the potential for it. If we can learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference."

The quality of our life depends on the quality of our thoughts. The quality of our thoughts are about the story we tell ourselves in any situation. It is essential to observe these stories that unfold as we think, because they shape perception. They also lead to behaviours or action that we might take. What might be equally key is to recognise that hateful and harmful thoughts harm the thinker more, not the hated or the one towards whom they are directed. A helpful lesson to learn therefore, looks like learning to prioritise quality of life which comes from an acknowledgement of the shortness of life. Are you getting the most out of the present, because all you have is now?

Marcus Aurelius remind us, "Life is short. That’s all there is to say. Get what you can from the present – thoughtfully, justly." Things will happen in any form that is unexpected. Relationships end, things are lost, people move on. The only way forward is to choose our battles through the dichotomy of control. Focus on what is within individual control. Because focusing on what is outside our control will lead to hitting against big walls. Be mindful of thoughts, environment and what we each allow or do not allow in our existence. The bottom line is to learn to apply tools to recognise that in any situation where we apply our five senses, we are likely to create a conversation.

This implies that, we need to choose our battles. To recognise that our power lies in focusing on internal locus of control.

We also benefit from recognising that whenever we think of something hateful or hurtful, we also hurt ourselves.

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