The skill of healthy decision-making

An important key skill in life is healthy decision-making. We make decisions every second about what and when and sometimes how to eat, drink, dress, connect and live life. The decisions we make impact the quality of our life.

Healthy decision making involves saying no to ourselves many times as well as we say yes. We might have strong convictions that are not in our best interest.

Sometimes we do not realise how limited we are in our decision making skills especially when we have have unhealed trauma.

We are probably adept at creating healthy solutions at work, at school and around what our children need to do. This is because we might think things through or we might have studied a subject. We might even know what decision is helpful for others, without knowing what is best for us. Or we might know what is best for us without making a decision to apply it. Knowing is not enough, the decision to apply the knowledge is a decision.

However it is an eye opener to learn that we might actually be struggling to make simple healthy choices in everyday life, that help improve the quality of life. When we are struggling psychologically, we might actually not make decisions in our best interest.

We can identify this shortcoming in the way we do relationships and friendships and even some lifestyle choices.

The decisions we make are shown by,

1. The relationships we choose, we stay in and the decisions we make or actions we take in these relationships.

2. The action we take in our social circles when we feel wronged or when we are influenced by others. We might employ aggression or passivity without reflecting on our actions.

3. The relationships we have with ourselves. When things unwanted happen, we might not take the time to reflect on and objectively evaluate our thoughts and emotions. Reflection can then be succeeded by regulating ourselves, creating solutions, which we decide to implement and then getting back to the present.

Relationships and these situations can bring attention to unresolved silent triggers from the past.

Unhealed, we can therefore make decisions that are not in our best interest in our social circles. This includes how we might choose a partner, continuing a relationship as well as how we might act when we are triggered.

This is why we might see a person with a successful business or career, and worldly possessions in a toxic or dysfunctional romantic relationship or toxic social circles. They might make great decisions for business, but not for quality of life. This is where it it is important to differentiate between worldly success and ultimate success- peace of mind. Differentiate between intelligence and emotional intelligence.

Lack of direction and conditional peacefulness come from an inability to make decisions that can enhance the quality of life. These people might not make one decision: to address their past and how it is influencing the present. They make decisions to have lovely possessions, but not peace of mind.

Not every moment is "danger" and requires survival strategy. If we respond to everything as if we are in danger, that is a trauma response. A lot of rushed decisions can wait. Distance is important to allow reflection no matter what is happening. People can wait. Text messages can wait. Phone calls can be missed, until a healthy response is created. However, experiencing the moment for healthy decision-making requires practice. It calls for emotional intelligence.

So, it means that making the one decision to understand oneself on a deeper level, by addressing past traumas , through applying the concept of emotional intelligence can help improve decision making skills and therefore quality of life. It helps to recognise that we cannot act on something we do not understand and make informed fit for purpose choices.

Emotional intelligence helps us develop self-awareness, to understand the impact of our emotions; what we do, and why we do it. Whatever decision we make in life has an underlying sensation, feeling, mental image and thought. We just do not stop to pay attention sometimes. An understanding of these underlying currents can help us determine our choices and make healthy decisions.

The next component of emotional intelligence is self-management. Again, an understanding of emotions or self and our motivations, help us to create solutions that are in our best interest. Self-management involves self-control achievement orientation where passion is a requirement. Additionally, positive outlook and adaptability are competencies of self-management. An ability to manage ourselves comes from an ability to make healthy decisions and choices and take action from these decisions and choices.

Motivation, social skills and empathy are the remaining three of the components of emotional intelligence.

To apply healthy decision-making in your healing and life questions, SIFTSEM guides you to not only identify the bodily manifestation of your question, but also helps you ask yourself why you are considering the actions or decisions you might consider or why they would be best.

This is because SIFTSEM prompts you to consider other perspective, as well as role reversal to avoid black and white thinking.

SIFTSEM applies solution focused rumination. It encourages you to identify where you might need to seek support on the second level to help you improve your decision making skills. SIFTSEM, through dichotomy of control helps you determine what to focus on and what to let go of.

It is important to identify that making decisions in your best interest is a skill, and needs to be practiced daily. To be competent or skilled requires daily practice. Many people do not practice because emotional intelligence involves emotions.

Yet, anything human involves emotions. Without addressing anything around emotion, we can spiritually bypass. This is when someone struggles with life issues that might be very simple. They might not recognise the boomerang one decision can create. For example, to make decisions to leave a toxic relationship, to stay in healthy circles or to reflect on one's self-sabotage behaviour, comes from a decision to love oneself, which comes from doing something to gain one's credibility.

As Daniel Goleman says, "The goal is balance, not emotional suppression: every feeling has its value and significance”

Heal for your quality of life.