The right fit. Children of parents with alcohol dependence and eating disorders.

The right fit. Children of people with alcohol dependence and eating disorders.

People who eat compulsively and people who have an alcohol addiction frequently end up in relationships together. Both are likely to be children of parents with alcohol dependence.

Sometimes the parents of these grown children might have a difficult relationship. For example, an unfaithful father who has put his back on his wife because of his obsession with body weight. A mother who might be a compulsive eater. In addition, there might be a hint of being religious in the mother.

The unfaithfulness of the father might not be discussed in the family. This is because the family believes that what is not acknowledged does not exist, and does not hurt anyone.

In some families, problems do not exist unless you talk about them. Such people and their children end up clinging to the lies they tell themselves, which also destroy them. These people can struggle to seek support to heal due to denial of their problems.

In such families perhaps the father criticises weight gain and a child, tries to resolve that problem with purging. Such a child feels in control of her weight through acts of binge eating and purging. The child soon suffers episodes of bulimia and anorexia.

Eating disorders are common in children of alcohol dependent parent and parents who eat compulsively.

Growing up, compounded by the fact that a family does not want to hear anything that focuses on fear, pain , loneliness and honesty , such a child will live a lie. They grow up sure that if they look good on the outside, all will be well, and stilled on the inside

However, even if outside appearance is under control, the inner battle continues. Even with designer clothes , latest make up and hair styles, the fear and emptiness remains.

This is because of emotions that are not recognised. And because of a confused, anxious and morbid and obsessive mental state.

Because of the environment in which this woman is raised, she gravitates towards men with secrets.

Men who hide their stories.

Men who have difficult stories to tell.

Men who lie.

Men who are likely to cheat.

Men who have addictions.

With her secrets and the man's secrets to keep, these two fall in love with each other's projected illusion. They each love what each one is pretending to be.

Break-down

Consequently their lies catch up with them, as they both revert back to who they are. The moment something in her changes, he starts to look elsewhere.

She might try her best to look good, buying expensive clothes and make up. He might brag about her good looks to others without spending time with her. She might simply be there for him to show off.

The series of break ups might begin. When she detaches, he pursues with either flowers , dates and chocolates. When he wins her over, he gets back to his usual routine of seeing other women and focusing on his addictions.

Through their dysfunctional relationship, they get excuses to indulge in their addictions. Him with women, alcohol and drugs, and her with her food and sometimes alcohol, and even drugs.

To recover she needs

Alcohol anonymous

Therapy

Over-eaters Anonymous.

Support group.

Minimise contact with family who are not authentic , and who are enabling.

To do what she loves and enjoys.

Avoiding creating problems as a habit, which can lead to feeling her sometimes "craziness."

Cautious interaction with men. Ensuring dating does not interfere with self-care.

Not turning herself inside out to please a man.