The reason your relationships might not last

Communication skills

At the root of relationship demise is the feeling someone has around you. There are many reasons that lead to someone not feeling good around you. One of them is poor or lack of healthy communication skills.

1. Entitlement might lead you to communicating your wants and expecting them to be honoured. You might not allow your partner any room for no. You descend into all-or-nothing thinking and only a single no from your partner turns into, "he does not want to do 123 at all!"

When you are forceful, your partner does not feel safe because they might have to comply with all your wants. If they do not comply, they fear the risk of your reactions.

2. Aggressive expressions

Without knowing how to communicate, your entitlement can move a notch and you do not make requests. You might outright command your partner and verbally, or even physically challenge them. You demand or force instead of expressing yourself.

Aggression makes your partner feel unsafe around you physically and emotionally.

3. Passive aggressive behaviours.

You might avoid expressing your needs, then develop attitude towards your partner from your leaky unaddressed emotions.

You might pretend that all is well, when it is not. Then you remain despondent and do not respond, or you respond with a matching attitude. Note that you cannot hide attitude problems.

This attitude makes your partner feel unsafe around you. They do not know how to respond to your needs, because you are not honest in your expressions.

4. People pleasing

You might avoid communicating your needs or you could conflict because you believe that will keep your relationship going. You might cover up with doing what your partner wants all the time. You might not be able to say no, when all you need to say is no. Your partner ends up walking on eggshells because you do not express your needs.

When someone does not know what you need , they do not know how to respond to your needs. They do not feel safe around you.

Learn to tune in to your emotions during challenging situations.

Take time to respond or express your needs.

Parent yourself before you express yourself or your needs.

Use feeling statements when communicating with your partner, especially during conflict resolution, or expressing your needs.

Make peace with rejection. Minimise expectation.

Learn to start your expressions or requests with appreciation.

Introduce conflict resolution hour to minimise conflict resolution daily in your relationships.

Use a codeword to stop conflict.