The need for freedom in relationships

The fear of losing their freedom is driving a wedge between you and your partner.

If you have ever wondered why you lose partners or you end up in a relationship where your needs are not met, here is one of the reasons why.

If you have control tendencies, and you constantly focus outcomes, try too hard, over explain or get into the space and give unsolicited advice to partners then there is a good reason you end up struggling in your romantic relationships.

When you control or try to control another person, their feel that their freedom is threatened.

When you tell them who to talk to, who to see, who to hang out with and how often to talk to someone, or do something, it makes them feel or seem incompetent. It ursups their right to freedom. You interfere with their freedom to reject you or your demands, which is healthy, and also information you need to know where you stand depending on what is involved, how often and how they express their freedom.

We all need to practice our freedom of choice, to do what we feel is best for us. If someone so much as threatens our freedom, then we get into a state of reactance. We push back to exert our boundaries forcefully.

This is the sake action you might note from a partner of you want to force outcomes. They create a boundary which might sound or look like protest behaviour.

The only thing they have left , when all has been taken away by trauma, is their freedom to choose, even if choosing means they do not choose you.

Some people have no idea about how to create healthy boundaries, so they will wrench themselves free and run, retreat, attack or avoid you.

You cannot expect to have a healthy partner who cannot practice free will or who is able to choose what is best for him or her.

You cannot say that you allow your partner to choose what is best for them, and then demand that they choose you.

If they have to choose through you or perhaps your wants, they not only lack a healthy self-relationship, they are not healthy for even you.

This is why it is important to focus on yourself, on what you can control and allow others their freedom.

This is why it is essential to choose what is best for you, where your needs are best met, and not try too hard to force outcomes.

When healthy individuals are confronted with control behaviours, it feels like mother, like dictatorship, or like school, and so they run.

You also need to do the same if someone is controlling. Run away with your freedom.