The limitations we impose on ourselves on the second level

Foremost, we meet for a reason, and we are brought together for a purpose. In any family, friendship, group, job or circle, we can ourselves what we are in this situation to learn. If we make a habit of asking this question, we might not leave any place or person without making peace there first. Before leaving, we can utilise the resources in that situation or environment.

Our values matter if we are to put ourselves first. However, we need to be congruent and match our core values with action.

We have a challenge of lacking congruence in our lives and circles. We struggle to let go of attachment to outcomes.

Family

Family wronged us, so we cannot forgive. If they continue to wrong us, or we are made scapegoats, and we are abused or boundaries continue to be crossed, then yes, we have the right to minimise or cut contact. However, it if it is all in the past, it is worth identifying the past cannot be changed. We can learn from what happened. Where there is room to maintain some contact, family is the first place we learn relationship and forgiveness. These are people we were given as training ground for relationship. Sometimes this unlocks the door to whatever we seek in the world.

We forgive abusive lovers and friends all the time. We can consider reflection on forgiving our families and maintaining some loose form of contact. I mean especially parents and children. Siblings where possible.

Friendships

In our friendships, we can have double standards. We might lack self-compassion and keep venting about our situation. If our friends are staying quiet, or supporting our constant venting, they are not a healthy bunch.

Some people want to be needed and they can thrive on your problems and so if you do not discuss problems, there is nothing to talk about. They cannot help you, they cannot be with you.

Friends need to be honest about how you are not acting in your best interest. They can break up with you if you are a destructive influence.

Just because we do not agree on something, it does not mean we are enemies. It is OK to disagree. It is OK to have diffrent opinion. What is not OK is to apply assumptions as facts. What is not OK is to stop talking to someone just because you do not agree on something. Sometimes it is even just one single subject or incidence.

If someone said no to us, it does not mean they are unkind. We need to consider whether we were taking advantage or they no longer felt inclined to continue. They are allowed to choose.

Learning is key in the immediate circle. We learn from feedback. We can be human and teachable, we do not know everything. We ask for advice. Try recommendations and give feedback , rather than continue to suffer, because you do not like the person giving recommendations , or we are stuck in our ways.

Social media

We can learn to open up and share our ideas, not just criticise. Be OK with rejection or less likes. Some people do not share with others because they might not get likes. Remember, people notice timelines whether they pretend not to or they do. In groups many people will see posts. That is all that is needed. To plant a seed.

We need not use circles for fame or social media likes. Let us be there for others genuinely. Connect with people authentically instead of seeking popularity. Heal that void that might be money and fame oriented circles to be rich and famous. There is nothing wrong with fame if it comes naturally, but help others. There is more to life.

Instead of feigning compassion and encouraging a person to continue on a self-destructive path, it is OK to be disliked while they start the challenging upward climb. When they are at the peak, they will be thankful. They might not do it directly, but they know. Besides, we only need to know we did our bit and just know or hope they are doing well.

We need to be genuinely helpful instead of just being loud. Ask others what help they need. Offer what we can and ask if they feel they can do it. Let them be if they do not step up. We cannot force people to accept our help.

Do not take each other for granted. The reason we might fall out with friends, colleagues, family and lovers is due to familiarity. We take what is familiar for granted. If someone does something for us or gives us something, it starts to get expected. Respect is lost and takers take. We forget appreciation. We forget seeing the person who might be giving, the loving partner, the helpful colleague, the good friend and the mother.

Someone might say "no" and that is OK too. They are choosing. They might feel taken for granted or they might be tired, or they might just need some space, or not want to do something anymore.

It is important to learn to see each other as special, as new and as strangers with each new day. Focus on their contribution and live with gratitude for whatever they contribute in our life. When we take advantage of someone with boundaries, they might pull the rug under us and then we feel like victims.

This is why space is recommended in your romantic relationships. This is why boundaries are key in relationships. This is why parents might need to take a break away from children for short periods.