The impact of receiving inadequate love is loving too much and fixing

If you received inadequate love in your childhood, you have unmet needs. For this reason you try to meet them by becoming a caregiver for others, especially for needy men or lovers.

As a little girl lacking love and attention you attend to your little dolls. You give them love and nurturing that caregivers do not give you.

Boys become defensive, fight and act out.

In adulthood, some people become healthcare professionals, social workers and therapists.

You then gravitate towards the needy, because you identify with their pain and seek to relieve it in order to relieve your own.

You attract pattners who appear to be needy because it is your own wish to be loved and helped.

Your men are not necessarily physically ill, but might be unaffectionate, can be stubborn , selfish or sulky, irresponsible, or unable to commit or to be faithful. He might not have been unable to love anyone ever.

Whatever neediness you respond to depends on your background. But you believe this man needs your understanding and support to improve his life.

Having been unable to change your parents into loving caregivers, you try to change emotionally unavailable men through your love.

You have a desire to right a past wrong of your unloving parents by starting an unwholesome and self-defeating endeavour. You bring your sympathy, compassion, and understanding into relationships with men who will not meet your needs.

You begin to renact the struggle you endured with your parents.

You attempt to be worthy enough for him

Good enough for him

Smart enough for him to see you.

Supportive enough to him.

You do this to get approval from those who could not give you what you needed, due to their own problems and preoccupations. Robin Norwood

You behave as if love only counts when you have to extract it from a man who is not willing stepping up to give it to you due to his own life focus.

It is important to identify your unmet needs and your need to fix. Recognise that you do not need to fix, to teach him anything or to do more to make the relationship work. You only need to focus on your self-relationship. He will love you as you are.