The awareness you need in your relationships

Understanding the emotional currents of a relationship. It is not what is happening , but why it is happening. Before you start confronting your partner and challenging them to change, recognise that their behaviour is a symptom of deeper issues. In a relationship, and you detect red flags, it is helpful to identify the signals that you are both giving off. These signals are left over from early attachment trauma. This is why it is essential to understand the right fit theory. If you keep holding on to someone, and the dynamic does not seem healthy, look into how you are both showing up. This can help you to understand what relationship from childhood you are trying to recreate and fix.. We tend to look for a partner who provides us with an opportunity to fix or right the wrongs of our caregivers. Rather than try to talk to your partner about what is going on repeatedly, recognise that only understanding the emotional currents of your relationship can help you to improve the dynamic or to leave the relationship. What brought you here? In other words ; What are your traumas? Their traumas? What makes you the right fit? What in them are you constantly trying to fix? What is your conflict resolution approach? Theirs? How do you express your needs? How do they express their needs? What do you do when you do not get what you want? What about your partner? Trying to teach with words will not only frustrate you. Words do not teach. You are not their parent. The other person will feel pressured and nagged and controlled and abused. What helps is to change how you show up, and let go of control. Love yourself and focus on what is within your control. Continue to work on yourself and trust that the other person knows what is best for them. Let your partner decide what is best for them in these moments. It is important to understand that at no stage in your courting and relationship, did you become responsible for the behaviour of another. It is through their own inspiration that they will change, not by force of love. You might suggest therapy once , but not for them to change, but to provide them with options that can save the relationship. If they feel that there is something in the relationship for them to work for, they will change. If not, they will not, and that is their freedom of choice. Remember, it is not your partner only who is the cause of the relationship issues. It takes all parties to make or break your relationship. You both bring your issues to the table and they blend to form chaos. Be aware of more than just surface issues Pay attention to the underlying issues.