Taking on the role of mother ad a child

A woman who had to work with her father as a team in her childhood, in order to manage the problems in the household due to her mother's illness or addiction, might come across certain challenges in relationships. This post is also a helpful post for women who are struggling with addictions or illness while raising children. If a woman lost their mother for one reason or the other, they might have felt guilt for not being able to prevent the situation. We have people who feel guilty when something happens around them, because they wish they could have prevented it. This woman might have felt guilt and therefore decided she needs to suffer to atone for her part in the situation. Coupled with her martyrdom, this atonement leads her to masochism. She might develop comfort and pleasure in relationships filled with pain, loneliness and a lot of responsibility. Incest

In SOME troubled families, in addition, as a child there is a chance to develop uncomfortable sexual feelings at spending a lot of time with opposite sex parent due to the strength of the bond with the parent. This is not just an ordinary bond, but a bond developed from an assumed role taken by the child in place of a parent who is either absent or unable to perform their parental or spousal role.

When a mother was unable to perform her role as a partner and parent, causing the elevation of her daughter's position, this can lead to the daughter becoming the object of her father's sexual advances . This is common un situations where the father has their own severe traumas and is not responsible. The parent lacks personal boundaries. Even when there is no incest, the strong bond between parent abd child heightens feelings of sexual attraction between father and daughter. The daughter numbs herself to most or all of her sexual feelings, as a defence against sexual attraction to a parent. This unconscious decision is not scrutinised and reversed, and therefore might continue in adulthood. She might feel relief when her father marries.

Effects in adulthood

She might avoid sex, and therefore nurtures in her relationships as an expression of love. She might then look for someone to feel responsible for. The sane responsibilities she took on in childhood continue in adulthood. She might marry early, or have a child early to continue her nurturing role.

She might settle for someone who sees other women while she takes care of his practical needs in life. She might then try to change him through her force of will and love. Through suffering in her relationships, she might believe she is strong by facing challenging situations, uncomplaining and believing she can change another person. Rather than being a victim of an unhappy marriage, she is a perfect fit for her partner. They enable each other's dysfunctional self-sabotage patterns. She doea not see the problem in the relationship for what it is. When her partner is not taking responsibility, she picks up the responsibility. When she starts to get into the space and do everything, her partner takes space and does his own thing. He might start looking for other women or cheat, and she either looks the other way or complains, but still continues relationship as usual. The relationship can feel exhausting, lonely , embarrassing, but she does not stop because this is what she knows. This is what she calls love! If this resonates in part or whole...

Recognise your self-sabotage patterns. See the relationship problems for what they are. Heal your inner child. Learn self-love and boundaries. Your worth is not dependent on being with a partner or this person.