Someone else's child!

Reflections we need to make before or while in a relationship. Of taking other people for granted in relationships.

Whenever you are about to treat a partner badly, remember this;

You did not set out to look for a punching bag or someone to give a hard time. You set out to find someone to share life and love with.

If healthy love is not happening, and the person you met is not reciprocating, or you feel that the relationship is not working , let someone's child go.

Yes, your struggle is because your parents were not able to meet your needs, but you do not have to take it on another person's child. Learn to deal with your inner stuff and work on parenting yourself.

If you have a trail of failed relationships, do not take your frustrations on your new partner. Instead, take the time to heal, or do things differently.

Nobody deserves to suffer and be shouted at, because you lack relational skills. Or because you are unhappy.

When a partner or potential partner is expressing neediness towards you, it does not mean you need to take them for granted. Do not walk all over them because they are showing desperation.

A person of integrity sticks to their standards. Stick to your values. Let them break their own heart when you decide to leave something that is not aligned to your purpose. That is integrity.

If you are not into someone. If someone is not on the same page. If you do not feel that you want the same thing. If you recognise that they are not who you want. In all these cases, it is better for you to let them down gently early on, than to waste their time and give them false hope.

It is not only undignified, it is also disturbing to hold on to someone who you know that you do not want to move forward with.

It is unkind to make promises you cannot keep, spoken or otherwise.

It is cruel to physically and emotionally abuse someone to conform to your demands or wants. To abuse someone into being what you want.

Let someone elses child be, or let them go. You are not in a relationship to parent someone.

It is unhealthy to keep on dating someone you have no plans to commit to, knowing they want commitment.

Do not date another person while married to another, where you hurt both people because you can.

The question to ask yourself is,

"What is wrong with you?"

This might be a control tactic.

A trauma response.

A power trip.

You might have this illusion of power where you try to find a weak target to feel in control.

You might be struggling to control parts of your life, so you want to feel as if you are winning with someone who does not have tools to act in their best interest.

Yes, the other person needs to take responsibility. Yet, if they are not, you do not have the right to string them along and then ditch them when you have found "something better."

Or when you have had enough.

Holding on to people who are not on the same page is an illness.

In order to heal it, consider this; What home made you ill this way? Which parent's wrongs are you trying to right? Then go back home and heal your inner child!

Whatever makes you unhappy enough to invite other people to your unhappiness needs addressing.