Should exclusivity be assumed

No. It needs to be discussed.

I recommend the following when you start dating.

Know who you are so that people will not give you what they want. When you know who you are, you know what you want.

Know what you want and do not hesitate to screen people according to your choices or preferences.

When you start dating be upfront and honest about what you are looking for. The best thing to do is not to ask someone you might start talking to what they are looking for in a relationship.

Ask them what they are looking for in general, and also express what you are looking for in general. That is called looking for a situation not a person.

If you are already in a relationship where you have not discussed what you are both looking for, request a conversation for clarity. Again discuss what you are looking for in a situation, not in them.

If you start dating a helpful approach might be to talk to more than one person and go out, up to date 4 without any physical involvement to be sure of intention. This also allows you options to minimise settling. Dating more than one person allows you to choose the best match aligned with your values and prevents attaching to outcomes.

After 4 dates, choose the person who is most healthy, consistent and progressing the connection. It is OK to decline kisses and let them you they are really attractive, but it is great to get to know each other a bit.

Exclusivity.

Exclusivity is not assumed until it is discussed. Even when the relationship is going really well it is important to have the discussion instead of assuming.

Asking about exclusivity also involves asking them what they are looking for and and you expressing what you are looking for. You might also indicate that you do not sleep with someone until you are exclusive. This is more effective to weed out wrong matches. However, exclusivity does not guarantee commitment.

If you have already slept together and asked the question and there is no change, 1. Avoid the habit of repeating yourself if ther is no progression. It might mean that you are not on the same page.

2. Stop the sex and focus on yourself. You can start dating in public and avoiding sleep over without reacting. You can do this gracefully and just enjoy time together, kisses and cuddles.

Helpful tips to inspire commitment

1. Have your own life and interests.

2. Learn to create space in the relationship, which allows a person to have more space to decide whether you are the right person for them.

3. As you invest more in yourself and your life you it gives them an opportunity to see you as someone who has their own life. This will not pressure them or interfere with their freedom.

4. Learn to express yourself with vulnerability after self-parenting to minimise projecting. SIFTSEM

5. Do not fear losing them if they are not stepping up. If you feel that there is no talk of exclusivity and lack of progression, move on.

6. Do not force outcomes or throw ultimatums. Simply cut the relationship short and say your goodbyes and explain that you do not feel you are on the same page.

7. If they ask you to stay, let them know that when they are ready, they know where to find you. Ask for a bit of space. Sometimes someone might ask you to stay because they want you around. Let them come with an offer that they volunteer. Otherwise, keep looking.

While exclusivity does not guarantee commitment, it clearly helps you feel safe. Exclusivity is a boundary which can help you determine whether you are both honouring the commitment or not. Deactivating online accounts and refraining from dating others will be signs that you both honour the commitment. If someone accepts exclusivity, it is likely easier to have conversation with them about progression. When you are exclusive, gives you an opportunity to spend time together, get to know each other and determine whether you are a good match for long term commitment.