Sexual codependency

Sexual codependency

As sexual beings, many of us have moved beyond what society deemed acceptable sexually, a long time ago.

With unhealthy relationship patterns, unhealthy sexual patterns need to be explored too.

Sometimes trauma shows itself as high libido. Childhood adverse sex experiences show up as a deep rooted need for validation and attention through sex. Sex can be used to control and manipulate others. Often, there is need to pause and regulate sexual desire, just like emotions.

Explore the following

1. If you find yourself wanting to please your partner sexually, even when you do not get satisfaction during the act, then there is some element of sexual codependency.

2. If you find yourself wanting to experiment because it will make your partner happy, then it is worth taking a step back and asking yourself if you are acting in your best interest.

3. Whatever sexual activity you peform, consider whether it is for you or someone else. You come first.

4. If you do not feel like having sex for one reason or another, let your partner know. Do not do what you do not feel comfortable doing.

5. Do not look for ways to pleasure someone that go beyond your preferred comfort zone.

6. Avoid giving graphic photos to a partner to make them happy. Or sex videos or sex that is recorded or watches by others as insurance to stay in a relationship.

7. Exploring trauma is helpful before venturing into other types of sex that you would not normally prefer, because trauma can also show up as sexual attention and sexual control.

It is an essential boundary to say no to sex, or you do not prefer.

To say no to a relationship type you do not agree with.

To say no if you do not want to go to some places as encouragement to see what others are doing sexually, so that you might change your mind.

It is not your responsibility to fulfil the fantasies of a partner with any activity that is contrary to what your body prefers

Therein lies the need to heal your inner child and know who you are and what you want.

When you are clear about what you want, you are equally clear about letting others go if they do not fit with your purpose.

With clarity about what you want, you will certainly have clarity about your worthiness. You are aware that you will meet or find another in future, who is aligned with what you seek.

Do not do things you do not prefer for the sake of another.