Self-love is letting go of what is outside your control

#selfhealersdiaries

Peace of mind is all about dichotomy of control.

Self-love is rooted in acceptance and letting go. Through the act of choosing to apply tools to choose your focus, you demonstrate a love for yourself which can minimise distress in your life.

It might easy to argue for your limitations and make excuses for why you are choosing to focus on what is causing you distress.

This is not a self-blame conversation. Trauma interferes with self-leadership. For this reason, this conversation is about learning tools and skills to do things differently. To choose a skill that guides you to make decisions that are of benefit to you. After all, you are choosing anyway.

On the other side of that is an explanation, that the same focus you put on what is distressful can be put towards improving your emotional baseline, and to focus on what makes you feel good. This can make you more resilient in your day today life and improve the quality of your life.

Dichotomy of control is about accepting what is, taking responsibility for what is in your control and expressing without expectations where it is warranted, and letting go of what is outside your control.

When you practice Dichotomy of control, you let people off the hook. You are well aware of your own internal locus of control. You therefore do not push against anything or anyone to justify crossing the line into external territory.

Dichotomy of control is about understanding your limitations. It is also about understanding that within your limitations you got so much power to influence how you show up.

In moments when you cross or wish to cross the line to manage external territory, recognise that how much you might want to do there can be done within your line.

Before you jump into action to fix another person's behaviour or attitude, recognise that you have in that opportunity, a choice. The choice to take responsibility for yourself. To own your experience.

You can choose to retreat within, recognise what it is about this situation you are struggling with. Or why you wish to change another person.

In that moment of objective evaluation, you can choose your responses. You can choose where your focus goes. You can apply your freedom of choice in strengthening your self-relationship. This is through feeling your feelings and developing a relationship with your body. Strengthen your self-control muscle, your emotional regulation, cognitive restructuring, as well as solution focused rumination and make decisions in your best interest.

Through making choices that are in your best interest, you feel the sweetness of a string self-relationship and freedom. With that in mind, you also recognise how the same is beneficial to anyone and everyone you encounter.

How to practice dichotomy of control

Take responsibility for your life.

Heal your inner child to manage cognitive distortions and pay debt owed to the inner child.

Learn emotional intelligence

Explore self-love and start to practice self-care.

Observe and consciously work on changing behaviour.

Move into the world with awareness and practice love on three levels as you move towards virtue