Self-leadership in relationships

#selfhealersdiaries Only you need to hold the reigns for your life. You have the power in you to lead your life and live your best life. When you find yourself questioning why someone is staying with you regardless of their lack of investment in the relationship, in which you are doing so much, consider this instead. Are you leading your life in your best interest? When we have not healed childhood trauma, we have little capacity for self-leadership or self-management. This means, we might not be able to make decisions in our best interest. It is not healthy for anyone to hand over the reigns of their life to anyone. As adults, we need to make decisions in our lives, that are in our best interest. And in the best interest of our young children. In life or relationships, it is not beneficial to force anything. If someone is not choosing you, it is self-respecting to accept their decisions and let go. The valid reflections that you need to ask yourself in these moments where you hold on to someone, who through their behaviour is demonstrating that you are not on the same page are as follows; 1. Where do you see yourself in such a relationship in a year, 1 to 5 years? 2. If there is too much effort on your part to get someone to participate in relationship, then it is clear you are not on the same page. 3. The question you might want to ask yourself is what you see in this relationship that is drawing you in. Look into your childhood trauma. There is a good reason from conditioning that is keeping you in this dynamic. 4. Why are you afraid to let go? Again it might be fears from the past. 5. Why does having this person in your life mean more than your dignity and self respect? They might resemble a caregiver A familiar figure. 6. Why does it matter what this person thinks, if they are not invested? You need to take control of what is in your best interest. 7. What happens when you do nothing in terms of trying to keep the relationship going? By doing too much, you get into the space and you can prevent them from stepping up or away. The idea is to explore whether in trying too hard, you are being a danger to yourself. Additionally, consider what is keeping you there and the how you might act differently in your best interest. It is hard to just let go, but you could start with behaviour change. Stop pursuing or trying to change your partner.

Accept them as they are, where they are. Start self-care and focus on yourself. Invest in your interests and give them a choice on the path to follow.

As you get used to treating yourself kindly, you might begin to let go.

You might choose what is best for you.