Seeking support for relationship patterns

Whether it is reporting abuse, joining a support group or seeking counselling, your first step to heal from unhealthy patterns is to seek help.

Do something about your situation without threatening a partner. Otherwise it will look like trying to control or manipulate a partner.

Give up that you can do it alone. Independence can be your undoing. Your situation has deteriorated over time without you solving it. It can be a challenge to go it alone. You have tried so hard , and it has not helped. It helps to be honest with yourself about how challenging your situation and how bad it is.

Usually, we all experience challenges in life and then restart. When we are able to function again we have a tendency to continue as before. This is because we are strong humans, we manage, we control and can do it alone. We got this!

However, it is important that you do not settle for temporary relief. If there are problems, address them. Start with reading about something or trauma, then seek help to apply resources.

If you look for a professional, look for someone who understands the dynamics of your particular problem.

Make sure you look for support where they ask you the right questions. You need someone who recognises your condition for what it is.

Find someone who has the most effective fork of treatment for you. They need to be willing and able to refer you to the right support group.

If you have addictions, it is important to seek specific support for them in fit for purpose groups. Therapy alone is not enough for addictions. You need to be able to help yourself in a self-help group rather than just talk.

If you find someone who is helpful, follow recommendations and stick with them.

You might need to spend money..

Therapy is not the only answer to trauma and relationship problems.

You might not necessarily need to end your relationship if you are in one. In fact beneficial support might help you to assess whether you need to continue or terminate the relationship.

What you learn though, is that being with your partner is not the problem and leaving your partner not the solution. You learn that there is a lot of decision making that is important in your life. Relationship is only one of them.

What might hold you back

You might fear that the relationship will end. That might or might not be true.

You might regret sharing with others due to shame, but remember this is for you.

You might not want to rock the boat, but you ate unhappy and this is your life.

You need to understand that you are responsible for your life. Noone else. When you devote yourself to you and develop yourself, you become a better partner material Monitor your behaviour and evaluate yourself nightly. 8. Put yourself first. Even as a parent, prioritise your wellbeing, because you are of no use to your children without being healthy. Do not adapt to fit uncomfortable or unhealthy relationships. Prioritise your needs. Be OK with people's anger and disapproval. Develop yourself for you. You give your children freedom because they might be feeling guilty and responsible for your freedom. When you say yes to life, your children do the same. 9. Love on third level Having gratitude for your life and healing, help others. Support others. Be there for others. Not for fame or attention, but because you are expressing your appreciation in the fullness of who you are.. 10. Sustainability The time you spend alone or practicing new habits of self love and self commitment are key to sustaining of self-prioritisation. When you feel good about looking after yourself, you will continue to infuse a daily self-care routine in your life. You will equally distance yourself from unhealthy relationships.