Seeing people through their pain

Sometimes we need to see people through their pain, instead of their behaviour. When people are behaving in a way that we might feel is challenging to our values, instead of judging them; we can see their pain and understand that their behaviour is not personal.

When children are struggling to express their pain, they act out. So it is, that as adults we also act out from our childhood pain, when we cannot find a healthy way to express how we feel.

Sometimes when we want to be right , and we are fighting with the other person's inner child and our pains together and combined can make us lose sight of the trauma that leads us to these behaviours.

In moments where we judge others, and feel that they are responsible for our pain, it might be helpful to recognise that we might be two children in a playground. It therefore helps in this moment to identify that one of you has to adult.

When you adult, and see the other person in their pain, you do not return their favour to inflict pain on them.

When you do this adult and healthy thing, you do not do it for them; you do it for yourself. For the adult grown person in you. For the authentic version of you that is loving. For your peace of mind. And also for your own healing to show compassion to yourself. To the child in you.

For, in your battle with this person, you harm yourself and you inflict trauma on yourself. Whatever you say or do starts in you. Before the words are expressed to another person, they would have have been processed in your body and mind. You will have subconsciously felt their sensations, images, feelings and thoughts; a process which results in chemical reactions in your body in this state of dis-ease.

So practice compassion for yourself, and do not let the behaviour of others affect you. See their pain and parent yourself to avoid taking their behaviour personally. Act in your best interest and release them from being responsible for how you feel.

Date :

Quote: Do not explain your philosophy. Embody it.—Epictetus.

Significance of the day:

Intention for the day: Also, add a daily affirmation.

Self-care needs met: Gratitude. Affirmations. Deep breathing. Vision Board. Catharsis. Exercise. Socialise. Boundaries. Journal. Random Kindness.

1.Pause and take 15 deep breaths.

2.Distress temperature from 0 (calm) to 10 (very distressed)

3.Trigger = X

4.Pre-triggers

a) Old. Long-standing unheard trauma

b) History with someone or built-up trauma over the years. This includes red flags ignored in a relationship or friendship, or family situation.

c) Recent triggers or conditions that affect your emotional baseline.

d) Have you self-cared today?

5. S

6. I

7. F

8. T

9. Root cause- Why to your key issue or dominant thoughts=A

Why to answer to A = B

Why to answer to B= C

Why to answer to C= D

Why to answer to D =E

10. If last why is E and I am thinking X, what is the underlying issue. Match that with an unmet need.

11. Meeting needs.

1st Level- Quality time self-parenting. Resourcefulness and self-love.

Soothing words. Hug self.

2nd Level- Your immediate circle. Boundaries.

3rd Level- Acts of kindness to the greater good.

Immediate solutions: Trigger management and parenting Gratitude, Reframe, Thought replacement, Role Reversal, Solutions for Intermediate and Long-term.

Intermediate Solution. Plans you make for the short-term during trigger evaluation.

Long-term Solutions. Plans you make to prevent a recurrence, long-term goals, child? temperature