Restarting your relationship post infidelity

There are a number of issues you need to explore if you want to get back together with someone who has been unfaithful.

1. Explore what caused this person to cheat instead of sit and talk? Cheating is due to poor conflict resolution strategy. Someone might be having issues, but unable to communicate.

2. Have you lived apart first or gone no contact to reflect on what you want? It helps to live apart for a while to clear your minds and make decisions with clarity.

3. What work are you both doing to change the dynamics? I am aware of how upsetting infidelity is, but if you want to grow , you will learn that it is a sympton of deeper issues. You both played a role, contrary to belief.

4. For the betrayed, you need work on yourself to identify what traumas contributed to poor communication in the relationship. Your partner might not feel safe communicating because you are volatile or you do not have boundaries.

5. If you have not worked on yourself, you might struggle to trust the other person. Basically, betrayal leads to trust issues, and if you do not do inner work, you might end up abusive towards your partner. You have no right to control someone because they cheated, when you chose to take them back.

Solutions

Couple therapy is important.

Individuals need to be honest with themselves about their mindsets and attitude.

They need to open up communication. It is important to start open communication plan. You might introduce a book for appreciation and communication.

Both need to learn self-love, self-parenting and social skills , communication skills, collaboration and team work.

To move forward, I would recommend starting dates from scratch. No sex, no living together and monitor changes gradually for 1 to 3 months.

Introduce routines in your relationship. Relationships that are not conscious lack routine and communication.

Create space. People struggle in long term relationships due to lack of space and pressure with children and work.

Make time for each other, and allow each other time apart.

Date nights weekly.

Introduce a conflict resolution hour weekly to avoid sudden outbursts and also avoidance of issues.

Share healthy communication and use a code word if conflict is escalating.

Exchange words of affirmations daily.

Learn love languages and love each other through them.

Let go of control. Trust and allow your partner to do what is best. If they mess up again, it is on them, not you. You let them go