Recovering from unhealthy relationship patterns

Reflect on how you can recover from your unhealthy ways of relating.

Consider how you can focus your energy in your life where it belongs.

To remove yourself from the shackles of the unhappiness of unhealthy relationships.

It is not your problems that determine whether or not you will recover. There is a common pattern in people who get into unhealthy relationships. It is a challenge to get out of those patterns without intention.

Any person who takes intentional steps to recover and those who do not , sometimes get temporary relief but end up in an unhealthy relationship years later.

1. Take the first step to reach out to change your life. Seek support for help or to heal whether in therapy, group, police.

Give up the belief that you can do it alone.

2. Learn self-love and put your healing first.

Prioritise your wellbeing.

No matter what is required, be prepared to take the steps to heal yourself. No matter how much you are willing to change anyone or help anyone change, turn that energy on yourself, where it belongs. You effort cannot change anyone but you.

Commit to yourself as someone important and worthy of attention.

Learn about yourself and your situation. Understand what you are doing and why you are doing it. Understand your beliefs and mindset. Then create a plan of action to start your recovery journey.

Learn self-love and self-parenting. Learn to soothe and regulate yourself.

SIFTSEM toolkit is OK Amazon to help you to start practising Self-care..

3. Find a support group of self-healers. If you cannot find a specific group of people with your similar challenge, such as CODA or AA, then join a group of women if you are a woman,or man if you are a man, where they are intentionally healing.

Be aware of groups where there is room for enabling.

Avoid groups where women talk negatively about men.

Or men talk negatively about women.

4.Develop your spiritual side or a daily routine.

Self-care helps you to commit to yourself. Your spiritual side takes you beyond yourself and into higher perspective.

Self-care practice allows you a state of peacefulness and relief. This helps you learn to let go and trust the process.

5. Avoid playing roles in the relationship. Focus on yourself and your spirituality and trying to rescue or prompt. Avoid criticism. Take responsibility for your life and own your choices, behaviour and when your choices are clear, you take action from your accountability. You do not fight with a partner. You may express yourself and acknowledge when you recognise that the relationship requires too much effort.

6. If you are in a relationship, or dating, begin to let go of control. Trust and allow your partner to do what is best. Whenever you develop the urge to control or tell or prompt, let go..Focus on yourself. Do not try to help him if he is struggling, or push him to seek therapy or help.

Focus on yourself andess on his life. Learn to say and do nothing. He might be angry that you no longer care, or he might come on board.

6. The resolution to face your problems and shortcomings. When you let go of trying to control outcomes, you are left with taking responsibility for your life.

Examine your life and explore what you need to work on.

Heal the inner child by VZM Author can guide you to work on yourself.

7. Develop your best self or virtue

Do not wait for anyone to change before you change your life. Pursue your interests, love on three levels. Take risks and stretch yourself. Step out of your comfort zone.

Give yourself love with five love languages and five senses.

Learn your skills and talents.

Be playful.

Do not focus on romance as a source of happiness.

When you devote yourself to you and develop yourself, you become a better partner material

Monitor your behaviour and evaluate yourself nightly.

8. Put yourself first.

Even as a parent, prioritise your wellbeing, because you are of no use to your children without being healthy. Do not adapt to fit uncomfortable or unhealthy relationships.

Prioritise your needs. Be OK with people's anger and disapproval.

Develop yourself for you.

You give your children freedom because they might be feeling guilty and responsible for your freedom. When you say yes to life, your children do the same.

9. Love on third level

Having gratitude for your life and healing, help others.

Support others.

Be there for others.

Not for fame or attention, but because you are expressing your appreciation in the fullness of who you are..

10. Sustainability

The time you spend alone or practicing new habits of self love and self commitment are key to sustaining of self-prioritisation. When you feel good about looking after yourself, you will continue to infuse a daily self-care routine in your life. You will equally distance yourself from unhealthy relationships.