Reconnection with no past resolution

In order to successfully navigate a reconnection, you need to have discussed how and why you broke up in the first place. Unless you resolve the reasons that led to your break up, there is likelihood that you might both repeat patterns. The whole point of a reconnection is to start a new relationship, but the success of it requires that you address the past and learn from it. Some points to reflect on. 1. Who initiated the break up and why? What common issues did you face in the relationship? 2. Who initiated the reconnection? How did they initiate the communication. What was the engaging statement and what did they plan or promised when they initiated the break up? Because this determines the conversation that needs to take place before you commit. If it is them, then before you agree to a new relationship, you need to communicate that you want to find out what has changed before you reconnect. If you requested a reconnection, it can be an uphill challenge, because you will feel as if you are begging. When you ask someone back, they might come back on their terms and you might feel powerless to address their lack of cooperation. Reflect on why you want to go back to this person. Why this person? What can they do that another person cannot do? Is the relationship in your best interest? 2. You both need to be able to express your grievances in a relationship. If you do not feel that a partner will listen to you, it is going to be a challenging relationship. Is this what you want long term. A healthy relationship involves reciprocity which requires understanding each other, which comes with listening to each other. 3. It is helpful to put the relationship on hold until you feel that you can have a conversation where you both hold space. If this is how this person resolves conflict, that is a major red flag. They will not change without incentive. 4. If someone expresses their own grievances without allowing you to express yours, that means they are not open to growth. The expectation is that you might need to tow the line. You might be the one expected to adjust your behaviour, in which case it might indicate they did not have a part to play in the demise of the previous relationship. 5. The question is, is this the place where you see yourself in one year, striving for your worthiness? 6. Explore what kind of parents raised you, and look into who this person might be representing in your childhood. We gravitate towards people who help us recreate our childhood feelings and try to fix our parents in them. 7. Explore healing work, and detach. Hopefully you can hold off sex for now if you continue to meet them. Look into your part or role in the relationship demise, and work on yourself. 8. You can observe behaviour and if there is no change, you need to be honest with yourself and to leave. It is important to recognise that the challenge with reconnections where you might not have explored healing, is that you might feel triggered and end up reactive as before. 9. If you want to get into the relationship regardless, explore support and accountability. Do not do it alone. Get help and also learn self-care, to act in your best interest. 10. The important thing here is that if you do not act on red flags, you might get into a situation that you will regret in future. Better to know now, than when it is too late.