Reconnecting with your ex

A reconnection requires reflection. Consider these questions. Consider what broke you up. What has changed? Why would you want them back? Is it in your best interest? If you feel that there is a chance that something will work out, you can let them know, " Thank you for your message. This is something that requires a face to face conversation. Let me know what you think!" Do not start texting back and forth as if you are in a relationship. Let them plan a date, and only accept a public date. Keep it short. Say, 3 hours max and set a timer. Meet them and ask them what has changed from the previous relationship. In other words enquire about what has changed from what led to the break up. Let them know what you are looking for, not from them. For example, if they cheated. " I am looking for a committed relationship, with someone who is able to resolve conflict and not go outside the relationship to resolve problems!" Next ask what they are looking for. Just because you were in a relationship before, it does not mean you are still on the same page. Some people might want you for a different relationship this time. Try not to give them an answer straight away. Go away and weigh your options. Do not go back to a situation that is unsafe because you do not want to be alone. If you decide to reconnect, start relationship from scratch. Date like new people who have just met. Keep sex out of it for a little while, and slow the relationship down. If you want things to work out, agree a slow pace. Learn love languages, attachment styles and conflict resolution skills. Learn to be vulnerable vs seeking attention by oversharing, or being passive-aggresive. Introduce conscious relationship rituals. These are date nights, weekly conflict resolution hour, appreciation, space and a code word to stop conflict escalation. If you can attend couple counselling, that can help. Observe behaviour and work on yourself. You have your contribution too. Understanding how you show up and its impact on your relationship can help you to improve your outcomes. The success of a reconnection largely depends on whether you are both willing to work on your individual selves and improve self-relationships first. This toolkit is a coach in a book